Why would I spend all this time I have before life swings right hooks at me constantly chasing something that doesn't want anything in return. People spend there whole lives, chasing dream but not really doing them. Chasing boys, that never will fall for them. Making up excuses, for things you are working to earn. I am ready to just be this girl, I feel everyone was supposed to be. Every night I take a bath, I blast music. Lay under the water and hear the muffed sounds of brand new screaming at me. It takes me away from all the worries I have, papers due, clothes to wear, room to clean, parents outside fighting. I am just alone with water and noise. Since I was 9 I used to do this. Not with music but with the sound of water filled in your ears. and the banging under the bath tub I used to pretend were workers, keeping my bathtub running. Like the steel workers on the boat in titanic I pictured it. That is my run away place, safe zone. I am naked, alone, with possibilities in front of me and forgetfullness behind me. Ready for anything but for now just here. I feel so big in a bath tub I used to take up half of, it's hard seeing myself grow. Taking it all in, accepting that it was me 9 years old thinking there were little people underneath me. I thought that, my body was there.
These thoughts scare me. The world is always changing, going, running, it never stops for anything especially not me.
So.
This is it, I will do what I want with it.
Winter break, it comes to life.
What I want and more.
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