The shade of poison trees

Whirlpool.
It's where the water goes around and around. It's that feelings of effortlessly flowing, it just sweeps you up. It takes you away. I believe that is the right way. But what happens the other way. What happens when you push with all your might. How does it feel to ache, to dream, reach and startle yourself. 


Lord knows i'm not you,
Friends come and go. Love stays forever. Now why are you leaving me love?




www.redclosetcouture.com
I've come so far.




Sometimes I think i'm in over my head. You start with this idea, and it seems dreaming. But now that i'm in it. I can't stop, I don't want to. But don't you just wonder. It started with an account, an EIN, now I have over 8000 pictures, I have spent days, laughs and moments in this. The website went up, just with a "coming soon" but my friends insisted on drunks and wings. They have my back. I live for this. I am a warrior and this is taking over the world. Watch me.




6am sun is coming up, something tells me i'm all out of love

Weekly Dose

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6Kwf7RROOU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQuz8jmUYDU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdBYv4e5XlU&feature=related


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI3NjxnBCoI&feature=related

All 24 of you

Katherine Hepburn

Hearts aren't read through pictures

I'm a firm believer in different people. I love meeting and understanding new people. I do a lot, my life revolves around Red Closet lately, but dancing has been in my skin since I was little. These fashion classes are craving a need that I never knew I had. I would call myself insatiable but I just believe that one day I will fee it all. I just got some crazy dreams, and I like this "Stay true to the dreams of your youth". I have an idea in my mind of where I want Red Closet to take me, and I can't stop pushing until it gets there. This has been a true unreachable beginning though. I have had the time of my life, designing with Elliott all hours of he night in a bedroom. Going nuts from staring at this bright computer spaceship for hours. Then the printing itself took place. I never thought at 20 , I would have people devoting a week to printing things I have poured my heart into. And then the  Photo shoots, I have to thank my friends. They came through, made it unbelievably fun and their beauty spread through the camera and I got exactly and more that I wanted.

This is Real Life.

Voice of reason

She keeps her heart easy, and her closet RED.

She can do it, Why can't you

Talk about your Fall Season.

I turned 20 and ate way too much Cake.
Red Closet is taking over my bedroom, and my head. But I like it this way.

IDEAS:

Baby it's Cold outside. What do you wear with your tee-shirt?

Live the Good Life outside

Cover up/ Red Closet

Need money for RCC.

Tents/ lights/ Silouttes

A home of your own

Snugs.

I may seem scattered but i'm no joke.

Step outside of yourself. look at this creature you are. living looking. you feel things and experience differently. Alone at night, it's just you and your mind. So think free.

When I turn Scarlet, Remember me, Remember me. Remember Me.


GONE CHASING UNICORNS AGAIN........

FREE

Last minute photoshoot, Styled/make-up and photographed by Lyn

LAUREN AND REBECCA WEARING LION HEART

Raw&Unedited...

RawwwwWwr

RCC NYC

Lyn: Classic RCC tank, (SKIP), Rebecca: "My City Your Couture Our Closet" tank, Jess: Easy Hearts V-neck






Justin in Classic RCC t-shirt

the two of us, wearing raincoats

It's been a while. I've been blue since last time. Continuous, strenuous work. Between new fashion school, books, design, sketches and fun. To a quick vacation to California, another finished diary... and most importantly the start of my, Red Closet.


Red Closet- There are two types of people in this world. On the surface: what you see is what you get. Off the surface: depth, passion, drive, IT. I want my Red Closet girls to be off the surface. Not afraid to show her passion, compare fears, and believe in endless possibility. The girl with the Easy Heart. Not a heart that's easy to a guy. Easy hearts not involving the male species. Easy hearts, understanding things happen in time. Easy Hearts for a simple night being your best night. Hearts that find passion in things that move, things that move you, things that move her. Understanding though a person is different, it is not wrong. It's all about perspective. Easy hearts that feel, and aren't afraid to wear what they feel, dance what they feel, eat what they feel, move the way they feel. Girls who aren't afraid to show someone opinion, difference, themselves. Inside out. I want an eas heart girl to have an inside that is viewable by the outside. Wear your mind GIRLS. You are a woman, a soldier, a species of lust and love. You are worthy of a Easy life, an easy eye, a easy feelings, so lt go, be free, give in to easy..... Just remember at home you have a Red Closet.

This is my moment feel

Your parasite mind ain't the truly respectable kind..........




It's when the good is going that every body come rushing back to you. The old kind, the good kind, the just kind and the kind-ofs. The good can't come and go, the bad can't come and go; it just rush's me. Rushes to get my mind to wander. Reading has been a therapy for me this past year. I thought I needed to go back, until I picked up these books. Eat, Pray, Love, The Power of Now, The Secret. These are becoming surfaced books, picked up by the media fast paced public, but honestly they are written by geniuses. People who study minds need to come out more surfaced. I've learned that because I do something a certain way, someone may do that a different way. That is an easy thought to think; but our anxious, always GOING minds became complicated on accepting that your way isn't the right or wrong way, it is just a way. And there are many, unidentifiable ways out there. So be open to these ways.


This is all so frightening but I see a finish line, and I am in a race to get there... but this ride is so exciting. . . . Red Closet Couture




Red Closet lives by the sun, and loves by the moon
dream with the stars.


Goodnight 4am....

"Mom, It's just witchcraft"

Misconceptions. We're full of them. Maybe it should be me. Why do you run from me? You might deny it but we're all tied to our desires. But why do I desire freedom and wind in my hair. I have these images in my head, these quotes, these theories that I can't get rid of. It all ties back to desire and habit. 






Desire and Habit....


I'm kicking habit, and chasing desire. "Gone chasing Unicorns"




I can't leave my room, I'm setting up shoots, swatching colors, and letting creativity pour out of my fingers.




lonely hearts=easy hearts

A heart like yours

I'm going to say what I've been feeling.


The ones we leave behind when we go out to sea to find a better way. I've rollercoaster'd this year. From a cheap love, cut short by my emotionless taught way. I wasn't ready to invest my heart fully in something and actually feel it being returned. I was always about rescuing and ditching. I don't know a lot about the ways love. The movies teach you falseness and unrealistic unreachable heights. I have learned that the hard way. So a love snowman just melted before my eyes and I felt like the harsh hot lonely Sun. So I went out searching for someone who related. I met him like the shooting stars we watched at the beach the first night together. Even now, just friends. He holds my heart in his hand. And I can't or won't hide it anymore. The age where you decide a lot of things. Are you to young? Are you old enough? Where in this big world do you belong? West? East? Space? I need to figure these things out. But it never hurts to have someone there with a symmetric heart to help you see through them. This romantic fantasy has fallen back burner for me. I have my sights set on a different kind of life. I know I have been gone a little, friends and I'm sorry for that. But once this is successful and I can kick it back; you will all get it all made it up. I just know what I'm doing right now, I've never felt so full of life behind these machines, in front of business people sharing something I have dreamed about doing since I was 5. This year has been a train wreck when it comes to school as well. I could've taken the easy way out, been a teacher. Tried to do design or photography on the side. But I can't its fire burning inside my, and my soul needs to be ignited. So here I am, a little girl trying to take over a big city. Thank you to my support. And I can't wait to share this summer of sewing, sweating, bickering and endless cups of coffee with all of you. The only one who knows the secrets right now it my 4 walls is my room, and thank god they don't talk. 




I Miss You Justin.

Golden gated heart

She simply rode that wonderful,


that WILD and WINDY


crest of first love... <3

Running with knives cross country

This summer was all about the travel:it's difficult to bring a laptop everywhere to write but my diaries are filled with proof and memory of feelings at that time from my summer spent abroad.
Maryland (beaches)
Buffalo (endless skies+ (family)
Canada (Niagara Falls)
Florida (Meetings)
Waterfalls (self discovery) + 10 girlfriends
 LA, CA in 2 weeks with my Trina (and Dan and Justin) for schooling and shopping

..they were all so wonderful and made me have an epiphanies

travel does the mind so big, but the self so small
~a lot at first but then it makes sense..
Nice start to a year devoted to this company taking off. But the best part about Red Closet is travel is a part of becoming successful. I want to go to Mid-west. Grand Canyon again, deserts, open skies, dry rock formations.

more to come, new blog for Red Closet Couture soon


I love my support

drive my soul music strings

Slow it all down, the damage is done
Play the music loud, don't make a sound
Let's raise a toast to a sad story
In a dirty cup, in a dirty cup
You made it, you made it hurt so bad
You made it hurt so bad.


Lights-acoustic.my kind of drive.




Read- Beauty:Sophia Loren, Camille Paglia, talo Calvino, Ernest Hemingway<3, Toni Morrison, Milan Kundera


this novel of pieces from different artists gave me this new outlook on my clothing company, my life, my body and the way my mind works the complexities of it.




Mind complex, heart simplicity 






Lifted Red Closet off the ground
couldn't be a happier girl

Love me in perfect symmetry

http://www.codyupdates.com/





Move to LA in September. School 20,000 debt+living accommodations. But be free and be at a school that holds my dreams in there sewing needles and mac books.

VS

Farmingdale for marketing in September. FIT in nyc in January.. Apartment  in the City.

my head. moving out.

A rush and a push, and the land is OURS

A place for everything, everything in its' place." 






A weekend of goodbyes.
Frank to Hawaii and Kevin to New Mexico
makes me want to go go go go.
October, this little girl sets sail
so I am keeping close to my loved ones
and having trouble comprehending how many suitcases I have to bring
hahah, we all have to just go go go go.




Started a new job, well an old job, but a new place. New people, further drive.
going to work in the printmaking factory next week so oversee the productions of the shirts. Have never been so antsy and nervous. I just can't wait to hold one, smell one, put a tag on one that makes it my own. 


My whole life, it was apparent fashion was my field. But it never seemed practical. So I dreamt of being a gymnast and gold medal winner, a runner but I got out of breath easy. A food show host because food seems to make me happier then a lot of other things. Then the real set in, I tried to follow the ballerina but hurt my knees real bad, real early. I thought real, went to school for education, and back to dance and back and forth. Then I just realized that part of my body where satisfied chemicals are supposed to be fulfilled were not. I got upset, unmotivated. But reading these diaries. I realized I spend most my time, on photoshop designing, on fashion blogs following, following magazines and I spend way to much time dressing myself or shopping. I have always sketched my own ideas for outfits and dreamt of the million dollars to buy them. But now I am going to make them, produce them, sew them, hold them, wear them, REAL LIFE.




welcome to the adventure

Cold, kind, and lemon eyes

My favorite holiday because an excuse to celebrate freedom and wear color, drink red wine and see sparkles. I can't stop listening to Margot and the Nuclear So and So's. They are the start of this summer. they keep me running. Meetings in the City and out east three times a week now, this is all finally falling into place. People believe in me, and that makes you grasp reality from an outside dreamed cold cloud.


"looks just the sun, looks just like you..."


I have emotions, maybe i'm not a robot after all. But i'm so tired of these people that prove to be something and in the long traveling dark road they all fall fake and victim to society. Off the surface turns to surface. Maybe I'm just not good at lying everything I say I mean. That's why I keep these diaries to remind myself that things were once real. We're all human and even though this world is so big, the effect you have on one person is so great that you all forget.

she's gone chasing unicorns...




now playing:
looks just like the sun - broken social scene





I want this to be me and my friends. I want those stripped shorts for tomorrow. I have been digging for treasures all day trying to find a fourth of July piece.

Give' em hell, Little rebel

It's never been more perfect being alive, I've never been so satisfied...


I can't really grasp the concept of what a degree holds, and how future jobs are held in what degree you had. But I have sucked up the past 2 years to get my Associates in Liberal Arts and English. Soo now that I have a degree to tell myself that I love writing, here comes the future. School for what I want, passion every day. I've been searching for this 19 years. Welcome.

I'm going to go to Buffalo next week, visit my half sister. There is something in blood that is so rare. And I could use a different atmosphere with a diary, different air, energy. Tomorrow is my first meeting to that production of these shirts, I'm not sure what to bring, where to start but I will go brave and all. I like the sweet summer, where nights are spent outside, talking about these memories that I hold so close with these people that I'm afraid to leave. I got so lucky with these friends, they are more then that, they bring me out of my soul. Impossible usually.


Just leave me your stardust to remember you by...
Good luck, I hope you see intention over action. Two weeks that's all it took, and if nothing good came out of this. At least I know there is still feeling left in me. "You brought my love back from the dead..." (ah music, it identifies all the feelings you can't put words on). I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic, but I have proof that it was real. That's why I keep a diary, and now People Just Always Leave... I wish you all the luck and success in your future because you dear, deserve it. SF


I could love you...




I like the new Louie Vuittons like I can't stop...wanting. California will satisfy this clothing hunger. Living in the world of fashion, Los Angeles has it all I hope. The west coast has my heart.

East coast vs Fashion dreams

When I was 13, along with all the other stupid quotes I wrote on my wall.. It says 'California Dreams'. And 1 week ago I found out, it is possible.


So now that this summer, is my goodbye of a summer. Reality hits in October, real fashion, real competition. I can't say I'm not scared shitless. When you are at a college that isn't a school made for people with this passion, it's easier to think you are good at it. I'm going to a school where, it's just fashion. I wonder sometimes, if this is everything I wanted?

FIDM, LA


I had such a great weekend. Me Emily and Rebecca went thrifting on Thursday,  found some pieces. Sequence dress, runway rejects tshirt and some Vincent Cammuto stunning heels. So beautiful. We had drinks in Brooklyn, Brooklyn pizza at 2am was inevitable, met some old friends in Brooklyn and walked the beautiful city that I will be 3000 miles away ... that I took such advantage of being 30 miles away. My city that never sleeps, hopping on a train at midnight and my night being unknown but always something. That night I went to a friends house late, just people in a backyard. It ended messy. Men and their strong egos results in ugly things. I wrote my admissions essay and finally finished my never ending admissions project. Now I just have to wait and wait for placement. Nerves. I went to Bamboozle road show to see a friends band. Little did I know what I was getting myself into. Third Eye Blind was there! Good Charlotte, haha It was like I was in middle school again, it was a good kind of rush.

Now as for Red Closet, we are officially a company. Red Closet Couture LLC. It is so exciting to be protected. I have been meeting with people about the future and they see such great depths in this, and understand my visions and end products and it is surprising me to deep ends. They like the work, and want in. It's hard deciding who and what to chose but I know I have to make smart decisions. My follow up meeting is on wednesday to decide on ink, and the final placements of the graphics. then I play the waiting game, and see the end result in July 28th. p a t i e n c e ...

Unknown, but I am happy.

sing a hymn to the setting sky

That build up before you cry, the feeling in your chest when you feel it coming on.  When you finally let go and realize you have no control over the emotion that you're feeling. It's the silence inside your head that questions if you want to halt this or just let it be, let it be, let it be.  


I always wonder if strange and unprepared is what the whole rest of the world feels. Or just little old me, the girl left out of the popular table in 4th grade. Then the girl who had more friends that she could count on her fingers and toes... and then the realization I want the friends who you can count on. Not list more on you AIM profile. I always wondered what made me feel short.


I'm 20, and I feel like I haven't grown up. I've changed. Became better, but in some ways my habits have taken over my well being and I've become worse. It's feeling young when you are so old. But I've diagnosed myself many years ago, I think to much. A diagnosis that has led to misconceptions, theories that drive people away. But also, it has led me to passion. Passion and desire that if I didn't have today, I am not sure where I would be.


There is off the surface.


I am happy I am not on the surface.




Are there any surfaces?



We all posses these individualities, but where do they come from? If you're so different then your parents how did you learn these? Innocence fades at a more younger age these days. I still feel soft, naive and innocent. But I can't kick a bad habit if I tried.


Break into me. She whispers in her head. Drives her car the same way, fast and unconcerned with the next time you have to press the brake. Blasting a song that you feel does something to you, but not to anybody else. But if you got the right person in there, they would feel it too.


Misconceptions. We're full of them. Maybe it should be me. Why do you run from me? You might deny it but we're all tied to our desires. But why do I desire freedom and wind in my hair. I have these images in my head, these quotes, these theories that I can't get rid of. It all ties back to desire and habit. 




It's 4 in the morning, I'm naked and staring at the wall is my only room. I swear to your beauty, I'm sorry that I'm so messed up. Don't hate me I'm under the ground.....




I could say I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I have found friends that can hear a song and understand what I'm feeling even if they don't comply. I could smoke myself into an oblivion and still feel comfortable with them even if I can't feel my toes. I could laugh until it hurts with strangers, I have just been blessed with an easy persuasive heart. 


I fall in love with fictional characters and act like they really exist. When there is no Garden State love, or vampires, and not enough people that believe the boat car man. But I am religious to them. Maybe somethings in the water, tell us if we've gone to far.


You always put yourself first. My brothers would tell me, "You think the world revolves around you". But I've learned to meet in the middle, be there for the ones who are there for me and fall short on the ones who prove untrue. Lucky me, I've gotten a lot true. But still I have an insatiable heart.


I don't see something, or enjoy it while it's in front of me. When it leaves I ache and dwell on  what we had. I may have an easy heart, but I have a fucking hard ass mind. complex and simplicity


I've learned to find my place to hide, my circus of rust and lies.


I keep the ones that I don't want the closest, and let the good ones get away. Or drive my mind great distances to let them know how I feel.


I'm a loner. I was born that way. Another bad habit on my lists of cigarettes, easy hearts and false presumptions and a head full of way to much desire.


So what does she do?


She goes with it.. I got into FIDM, why not just pick up and leave. I've never been scared of being aloe, or feeling small in a place of such great heights. So I'll go. Spend 3 months of hope in this company I've found all my time invested in. Keep dancing because that's what keeps me grounded. Fix my heart, miss you like hell. Go back to my old ways of playing it hard. And hope another you, or you come back. I guess that's life. Chance to chance. Feel to feel. Just never think you think to much until you're capable of capacity of 1000 thoughts a minute. Worst to best. Until you shake and build up that feel before you cry... where all these thoughts branched from.





This world of desire and change, there's nothing less RADIANT. 

A driving girl with endless skies on mind

music on a gloomy day


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW4bSqgaQ3o


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnuYWr4exlA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nSMwjnKQ1I&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRt_iOAQCUQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1Ljf_Lwd0U&feature=related



“What is the feeling when you’re driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it’s the too huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies” – Kerou

take off black rose

"My love is like a red red wine. A sacrament, exquisite and hard to find. The gladiolas in slow motion, the scar of tulips in the snow. My love is like a red red rose coveted, expensive and hard to grow"




take off rocketship.

Sleeping on a roof colored for sweet june

7 page catalog - 38 shirts, 4 sweatshirts, cover page, business spread.


Getting support from your family, whether or not you admit it or not; has a huge effect on your feelings about it. After showing my friends, and having an excuse to stay up late, have a fire pit and toast glass after glass of wine to it, I came home. I put it on my counter with a note saying   "This is all my dreams wrapped up into 5 pages." I got woken up by my mother with tears in her eyes, she said she was taken back by how beautiful it was and business particular I was. 

Phase one; complete.


it has never felt so sweet
growing up


follow your lifelong dreams.

Exist wildly

When I think about five years from now, I only see one direction. The direction where I can look at something a million times. Like when singers produce amazing songs and they play on repeat for days. All I see is this fantasy land of clothing in my head, go down on paper. I've always half put myself into something. Some say it's good because I have a lot to put on my resume. But really what is this passion driven behind my mental state? I have been saving for a company since I started getting allowance at age 11. And clothes seem to be what I'm good at. Dressing, finding, thrifting, making, cutting, sewing, drawing, daydreaming about fashion. It's where my nerves snap out of this anxious trap and run free. In front of a computer, doodling little pictures of outfits. Matching colors and designing cads. So five years from now... this wonderland will exist for you all to see.

every little girl fantasy
is coming true
thanks to me
and thanks to you

Elliott has made this possible and for that I am everlasting humble.

Red Closet Couture
creations made in a bedroom past bedtimes with too much coffee. just running on ideas and imagination.


I love this life and everyone who is supportive of it

Mind games color outside the lines

We all are such misguided ghosts, we listen to this inner voice inside of our small heads where nothing stands correct. We follow a list of unwritten rules when it comes to thinking. Thinking itself should be outlawed. I could go on and pretend the month didn't happen, but I'm human and I break every rule when t comes to thinking. I just let my mind run wild. People always leave. I've been running from this idea but in fact it follows me around. I'm just not going to share it anymore, with anyone. Maybe it's the energy I'm putting out there that it's coming around. I was left idle and waiting with no explanation from someone who didn't even know my favorite color. But I fell, I allowed this caged up heart to seep through and actually feel something, just to have it pulled out from underneath me. Like in those magic tricks where they pull out the table cloth but somehow all the silverware stays there. I'm still here; in East Meadow. While your hundreds of miles away, all the silverware is in the same spot except I have nothing to be comfortable on. Is it really just comfort? I have no one to confide in, listen to. Care about. Congratulations I feel like you won a contest, you made me fall and did to me what I guess I deserve. I guess I'm on the edge of a breakdown because the start you promised this wouldn't happen. Leaving geographically and realistically are two different things. You took the realistic road before you set sail to the west. The real question I keep replaying in my head, is this everything you've ever wanted?

Letters from silver lake

“The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.”
- Chesterton




I believe in the make believe...





sleep in make believe land

Note to self

Ever wake up... wonder why you are here. what your purpose is, if your living it right. and what to do it next. I do.. everyday. So I put on my monday face. 

Happy June 11th. I have a lot on my plate, directionless and lost in confusion. but I am driven off indecision. Being unsure of where you go tomorrow is kind of what I live for today. The kind of feeling when you don't realize it until you are in a dark place and you look at someone with a new kind of light. Then you realize you're in love with your best friend. and that day on, you can't look at the person the same way ever again. Taking something back is impossible and that scares the shit out of me. but at the same time it keeps me awake. I never met my birth mother, and I always wondered. but that day I was contacted, there was no changing that. All those questions were answering.

I need someone with something to offer. If you have nothing, go search the ocean to the stars until you find it. Because we all have something, so dig it out. Dig.

I have plenty of time, and i'd like to pick apart your body and learn it like the back of my hand so no matter where we end up, we can map out each other so perfectly.



In the morning when I smoke my cigarettes I think of the times we spent along side, talking over coffee, frustrating over what movie to watch. you and your guitar, me and my dancing shoes we never had it right but to this day it never felt wrong.  -Rld

p u t  m e  o n  a  p l a n e  f l y  m e  t o  a n y w h e r e . .

Harmless heart weeks

not
so
quick
found
out
found
out.


Theory: You aren't who you make yourself out to be

Red Letter

I Love The Rain..

Ppl Alwys Lev

the world is like a science
and I'm like a secret
But i'll be true to you. . .


It's 4am. and it aches when you wake up in a place you don't remember falling asleep in and you realize the dreams of him and it being sweet was just a figment of this complex imagination and secret world I want to live in. because there is nothing on your callback zone. I seem to always give my heart to bad intentions. It's because to me, they're so much I want.
Just Let It Be


I guess I fell in love with a misguided ghost
so now I must fall in love with work...

Chasing fired dragons

Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.


I want it all, but is 'all' to big. Anything could be possible.




Little dreamer    -  s


begin
shooting.
pictures with soul
ideas becoming scenes
the scent of life
sparks of realism
surrealism too.
more then just clothing
you wear it to know
you
are
it
website to another world
rcc




little dreamer need to turn to face reality
good energy




twirlS

Singularity meets me in a blue dress

Satisfied in the satisfaction for the wanting of more.
You make me hungry for a glimpse.

My heart seems to be full and healthy but to be I am once again, a robot.
I finally talked to her about the feelings toward her mom, I wonder if I am misunderstood or shadowed looking as an outsider... looking in on me. I want to be able to have that sisterly bond, but I run from doubts and being scared of being left. Taylor Minarcin ... I'm sorry I am running, I love you and since I've met you I've felt one step closer to clarity. Time will make it right.

On the opposite hand, my heart is being rushed my technicolor desire by someone who doesn't need to say things but I know he is thinking them. He fills my doubt and I feel so satisfied in the comfort. There is a tide that pulls me in.. and then I get pushed away because my sweet lust is moving to the West. I am nervous, but for once I want to practice what I preach I want to learn to just live now. Let him take me under his wing and his energy to places undiscovered and love that can grow tall. Doubt is just something that should happen before you pass.. not when you are young and so full of the right kind of charisma. He makes that questionable side that I am missing something, come closer to being cured. He shivers me with touch and has dark stages that I want to hear about.  I want endless nights.. I want to drive miles to feel him and I want to believe that if you let it go.. and you want it still... my heart could come west to you. You're beautiful and you deserve everything you've ever wanted.

Graduating in 2 months... nervous. Next step? l o s t i n t h e o v e r c a s t


My girlfriends are becoming full circle, after a few tickles at the friend question we are learning to grow and still stay close. I have been blessed with friends who can make me belly laugh but stand in a crowded place and know what you're thinking by the tilt of your smile.
But I still miss her, and the best friend she proved to be. Maybe she's supposed to be a sister in law, not a sister. Something is stopping me from contacting her but she is all that's on my mind. I miss her most when it rains.

almost forgot myself

How do I do normal? What is normal supposed to be? Surrounded by fast moving lovers and slow moving brains, I don't want to feel anything. You're supposed to feel lost in rooms of tranced, not in a permanent state. But, you do scare me.


Love is on the line.
Is that your final answer?


after years you see me with someone else, I wonder what that triggers. you're who I go to for advice, so I believed love advice was okay too. the truth of the matter is, I am learning to live without you.
why does it take losing, for gaining? missing for realizing. hurting for needing the cure.


Red Closet Couture Fall 2010
Never felt something so right, fall into my lap and let me keep it, to call my own.

soul power

thinking becomes not an enemy
living becomes this made up fantasy
time with you wasting is never time wasted
insatiable . proved wrong
you had my <heart3 at... first eye
understand
anything is possible... teach me
now
she 
is
fall - ing
.
.
...and fall away to the west

we dance so good

"How strange this world is. Those things that we can so readily touch, those things so real to the senses, the sweet architecture of a womans body, ones own flesh and bone, the cold sea and the gleam of stars, are far less real than things we can not touch, or taste, or smell, or see, Bicycle's and the boys who ride them are less real than what we feel in our minds and hearts. Less substantial than friendship and love and loneliness, all of which long outlast the world.".......  

Read and read..

 to comprehend the meaning and reason and story behind his words.

genius.

gooooooodnight 

Digital love

Things can happen in the blink of an eye. so fast and you can have no control over them. you become cold sweat, things begin to blur, you become at a loss of every word in the english vocabulary. You begin looking at things you've never looked at logically in a new light. and then... you fall so deeply in love it's hard to get out of it.

the sun is up the sky is blue its beautiful and so are you.... dear prudence 

being outside is like a sweet high. I'm in class and I can't pay attention when I know outside the dark dreary studios.... there's sunshine wasting

But for now we are young. Let us lay in the sun. And count every beautiful thing we can see. Love to be....

need this hat.

Her backwards walk

You forget roots and where I come from. I wonder my motives, and reasons I am the way I am. It can all be traced... not through your blood. Through memories. Pictures, journals can only help so much. The rest is part of you.

I am the true living test that it is not blood. It is environment. I love that I know that 100 percent, especially now with what's going on in my life. Raised to the sounds of rock and roll by two young happy lovers. the love I admire. The love I hope I one day have, the love I aim to have every day. My first CD, the beatles or Joni Mitchell. I got a lullaby every night from my dad, he was my hero. He still is. He would come up, tuck me in, guitar and all and just sing until I drifted off. Falling asleep to "In My Life" was a tradition and Bob Dylan/Larry Bassen remixes. Every weekend we would adventure. My mom being off on the weekends, it was her time. We went to gardens, arboretums, picnics. My brothers and me would run ourselves to sleep. We would go under these huge trees and pretend they were kings and me and sam were there servants. We had big rocks, that I go to now, they aren't so big. We spent family weekends at my waterfalls, in a house on a hill. With no one around, acres of land where I was let free. Here in East Meadow, I couldn't cross the street. There I went off for hours by myself. It was where I learned to think. I still go to open skied places to think clear. It's a part of me. Having two twin brothers, 6 years older then me. Stages of best friends, normal sister/brother fights. I now at the age of 20 know, the two of them are my heart and soul. At the age of 10 after starting basic dance. I joined my first company. It's where I learned teamwork and friendship. It's where I learned about performing. It's where I learned that spark that only certain people are lucky enough to find. That spark that you were put here to do that one thing. Dance is still with me. My dads lullabies are still with me, my house on a hill is still with me. I find myself wondering why I like to have a glass of milk right before I lay my head down. Why I need to wake up on Saturdays at 9am, and watch at least an hour of cartoons. How I write till my hand falls off. My fear of sleeping alone. Sunday is shopping day. My need for nature to be a constant part of my weekly schedule. The feel of my parents smile after I do something so great. Its tradition, it's a part of who I am. and I love sitting on a hammock on lazy sunday afternoons and hearing his stories about his traditions and how they were carried out through me. Life is just a cycle of passing down. You forget how much you learn in the ways you are raised.

MeANDmymotives,mymotives.

I recommend:

Tv shows: 

Glee (makes me sing in the shower)

Parenthood (makes my family not look normal)

JONAS (crushes)

True Blood (c o m e  b a c k crazy vamps)

Gossip Girl (scandalous lives of manhattans elite)

Music:

Freelance whales (beach soundtrack)

Frightened rabbit (involuntary dances)

Lights  (do the robot)

Stars (sexy)

Loney, dear ( reads your feelings)

Simon and Garfunkel... (Paul Simon*)

Sea Bear..  ( summer 2010)

I will admit, I'm on a Johnny Cash kick.


Reads:
Across the River and Into the Trees - Ernest Hemingway
Rumi
No Exit - Jean Paul Sartre
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Hard times - Charles Dickens
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

Shop:

-Wildfox ( have to get ready for my california voyage www.wildfoxcouture.com
-Time*warp

-Spanish Moss Vintage (finally this site is getting recognized) where I find all my treasures.
they carry American Gold

Travel:

Bonnaroo.Tenn

Waterfalls with over 16 people.

apartment shop in cali

New Mexico

Grand Canyon with Emily

Ellenville hiking

Niagra falls
Maine
Harry Potter World, FL.

I'm a fall girl. air sign. leaves changing, cool air but..

but last summer I fell in love with summer

I like outdoor live music. I like shopping for clothes when the racks are outside. I can eat lunch outside and smoking ciggie boos allowed.

Surfing. At a red light and listening to the persons radio next to you.

sun dresses.

Hammocks at night with buggie bites. No where to play date, oh just come in my backyard. The smell of citronella candles. MMm'ing smores and pink lemonade. Waterslides. Outdoor iced tea parties.

Symmetry in our freckled elbows

maroon.


my domain.

my soul was swayed by violins and trees

"I will know you by how your body speaks to me as we wander the night singing to the street. and I will know you by how you live for all your dreams..you're unforgettable"-T.M.O.


I know I'm not like the rest of them but my movement moves me.


Don't you stop and take everything in.
Or are you fast paced like your thoughts
that wonder... endless amounts.
what can I say? I make it harder on myself
but I'm waiting for the welcome.


Remembering can't change. 


I have those brain spurts, that bounce and I ask myself if I really just asked myself that. Then I realize my condition. getting inside someone else head. The taking in of the beauty, technology, the amount we grow and where does growing end. Together or individuality. Controlling yourself and oneself. 


Like when your tied to those odd plans, or you feel alone doing your own work, or you feel misunderstood but rediculously comfortable.




My favorite thing in the world is versatility and change in the growing sense.






You can't love when you can't control.










i n  t h i s  w o r l d