Weeks go by like days

Movement.a progressive development of ideas toward a particular conclusion: the movement of her thought.

I have diaries and diaries of these memories that lay within me, and I can read them 100 times and feel like i'm writing about this girl outside of body who is a picture who looks nothing like me but looks like a mannequin who is soft and everything she could have be, a catrastophe of messes, an elegance of softness but so many ideas that I don't tell the people. Its like into a brain of what everybody wonders if other people think these things, and everybody does. We all do. We all can't help the strange, dirty, hurtful, beautiful, deep and strong things that come into our heads. I wonder when I leave this place, where I would go and who will read these. What will they think? People think I should be a writer, it's a personal thing rather then a shared experience.

You can wake up one morning, and a tsunami could have hit and earthquake could rupture. We all have to start living like it is all ending. Don't hold it back, let people know the things that you feel. If not write it all down, get it out. My love goes out to family in Hawaii and everybody who is affected. I want to sign up for habitat for humanity in July and go to help rebuild with Leon. I just filled out an application, it seems like such a heart warming experience. "Come together right now, over me".

It hit me, I don't want to spend my time with this push and pull love game. Happiness is only real when shared. You don't want to share it with me, so I will go find happiness somewhere else. With someone else, or alone within myself. I wish everybody would truly realize this, because time is wasted when you can be seeing things, doing things,


Alice in Wonderland comes out this week. American Idiot comes out March 24th, It looks amazing. If I had a voice I would be in that cast. Last Copeland show it March 7th at bowery Ballroom. This snowy month is making me do more things inside, even though I did go on a day long hike into this scary forest. It ended up being beautiful and we found a little creek that I had no idea was there. Behind beautiful things is so much more beauty. Connecticut was beautiful this weekend, I went early and spent time in this great little town where I can see me living one day. Right by the water, so quiet but lively. I have over 100 headbands made, and they are started to sell well. Right now it's just for fun but eventually I would love to put my photography into them and sell them online. I have been working on ballet and putting together a little studio in my basement. It's small but being in the surroundings gets me going and pushing. I miss pointe. The snow leads to sleeping in, drinking to much tea and having late guacamole parties. It leads to too much money on alcohol, girl parties and art and crafts started and never finished. I have been sketching out t shirt designs and hoping to get them all designed soon. Me and Emily have been van shopping for this summer; so many are on sale. I feel like the world is on sale. I want to plan a camping trip to New Mexico with Julia, but first I have to save for bonnaroo. and I need to make my way to Buffalo before they move. I have always had this inner fear of buffalo because knowing they were there and having no contact with them, now that it's all settled I should explore there. I feel so much energy, now put that energy into things.




You've got so much love in you.

Manic energy of beat poetry

Every object, every being
is a jar full of delight

Be a connoisseur
and taste with caution.

-The Essential Rumi

poems for the moons. thoughts for my suns.

I lack color.

I lack depth.

I fall short.

under your wrath.

I feel small.

standing near your heart.

it's too big.

Fix it up, into boxes; assort.

I don't know where to start.

Boy, I want to fall.

so hard, and set our love apart.

from any other.

our love will grow tall.

in a garden grown in winter.

nothing now,  no one else.

love has no cure.

just another.

I am talking to myself.

Red squirrel in the morning, I'm comin' to take you home.

Hi yall'.
This constant pull and push game I play with my brain, is like my own personal entertainment. Sometime I truly feel bigger then my body, I look back on my memories as if I am watching a cold outsider, watching a little girl chase her dreams like a dog chasing her tail. Chase her heart, as a kite trying to fly on a not so windy afternoon. Listen to her head, as if it is the president of my own society that I live apart of. We're all just learning to get by. My dreams seem so big and huge for such a little girl to reach, they are messes of libraries, everyone stored away like an antique book, each with a master story line that runs on and on, with not so happy endings; but at least there are endings. Unopened ones, one that I have read a thousand times, classics, history, science-fiction, fantasy, epic love stories, collections of poetry that I can read a million times but depending on what is going on in my life I inhale is like a new plate every time. My brain can't be compared to an industrial factory; it is more like a library. Unorganized, out of alphabetical order because I have never been a clean fellow. Maybe thats why literature, writings, any collections of thought sings to me every time because truthfully I am just like a story. I am just like a novel. I am just like a collection of short stories. I am this blog, this is my story. But truthfully, will anybody ever hear my story? I think no matter what I get out, my story is my own and unexplainable. When an author writes a story, you read it and it comes to life in your head you wonder what did this tale spark from; fiction or non fiction. Where did it all begin? The beginning to me, is the best part.

I have found constant, in a life full of motion. Whether I go to my West Coast apartment, and live a fast passed life with a cup of coffee each morning and tired feet and mind at the end of a closing day. The town where rock n' roll was built, or the place where fashion is uprising. I am in motion. My constants remain women. These women I am building a bed of memories to lay my old head on. I keep pictures and pictures, and diaries and diaries, I receive and give advice to these leading ladies in my life. They all are so exquisite and unsettled and little balls of fire, that I am taught to fire up and keep on trucking because of them. We are a bit crazy, a bit naive, careless at times, lost and found but together the bonds we have are one of a kind and something I wake up in the morning and call my own.


I'm a stem now
Pushing the drought aside
Opening up
Fanning my yellow eye
On the ferry
That's making the waves wave
Illumination
This is how my heart behaves
-Feist (how my heart behaves)




My wings are spreading.
Open wide, all depending
on if you will ride with me 
into the dark blue sea
to feel no pain, forget her name
alone just you, me, and your shame.
-Lyn Anne Bassen

Leave her in the dust, and start an island with me.

When you find everything you've looked for,  I hope your life leads you back to my door.


So this adventure has pretty much pawned out into a full blown roller coaster ride. Application after application, FIDM is in my future. Where will it take me? I'm not to sure of yet, I know I want to just trust my heart and it feels right. Merchandise product development, sounds ideal. I want to Create distinctive lines of clothing, learn how to sell myself and my ideas, full out. I want to see these images in my head come to life. For clothing, accessories because my head makes sense out on this paper. Where will this take me, hopefully west coast bound in January. Graduate in June, save money, travel with my friends on a quest to conquer the clothing scene without any degrees, just heart and soul. And then California will steal my heart. I think, I hope.


Spending these last weeks in the hospital, with my friends I see out usually at happier times; has opened my eyes to these being the friends of a lifetime. I am so lucky. He is so lucky. The support we all give Cody, never leaving him alone, staying with him until he falls asleep and their at every great next step he takes, is so fascinating to me. It makes me feel so good inside every time I go and come there. He is fighting and his bran is healing, and I want him back 100 percent and I know he won't be any less. I was standing next to his bed, and his eyes locked mine so hard, and I heard his funny accent say my name, call me a few names, pick on me, and then tell me he missed me when he was gone. He pulled my hand into his face so hard, and kissed my hand. I held every tear I had in me back. But he saw it. And I saw the first look of don't be sad Lyn. I know he is in there, and he is trying so hard to come back to us, me, himself.  I Miss You.
Emily is a fighter, I've never been so motivated, inspired, moved by a friend as much as her. The way she moves him, pushes him to these far unseen advances, and the way he looks at her, gets me every time. I am so happy I can call Emily my best friend. Emily being Emily, was silly off red wine, and we were just talking about Cody and Adam and how she has been feeling and she just looked at me and called me her best friend. And to not hear it everyday and just hear it that one time, and know it from now on, made me cry of course. But its like that rare I love you, or that kiss from Cody that means so much more the less it is done. Wondering makes me wonder if feelings are real or rare. 


Talking to my half sister about her high school life, has brought me back to 9th and 10th grade. The wondering what to wear to school, where high school was your social life, cutting periods for longer lunches, the class you looked forward to, sharing lockers with 10 people. I think Taylor is kick ass, and has a lot more to do, go and see and I love that she is in my life now. I just need to do more about seeing her, a lot more.




His words have turned into nothing to me. They used to hang me up, choke me up, get inside and underneath the folds of this twisty dark heart. But lately, they just hang on the end of his tongue with empty promises. Show me some action, show me how you feel, I want to know all about it.


Even though I've slowly learned I am not the only one who feels the way I do, I am learning that I still am alone, and that's all I know. That's all everybody knows. I can never be normal because what is normal. Strange is a constant for everyone it just matters who accepts is, learns from it, and goes with it. I'm going with it, and tomorrow is the best damn mystery I want to solve.


In life i'll do things greater.......

Judy and the dream of horses

out and in trance

I wanna slip into unknown realities. Sink my fingers into sweet insanity. Bring to you untameable varieties, that stem from only me. Let out my inner enemy. Breaking and entering. Take a peak at what lies inside of me..