Her backwards walk

You forget roots and where I come from. I wonder my motives, and reasons I am the way I am. It can all be traced... not through your blood. Through memories. Pictures, journals can only help so much. The rest is part of you.

I am the true living test that it is not blood. It is environment. I love that I know that 100 percent, especially now with what's going on in my life. Raised to the sounds of rock and roll by two young happy lovers. the love I admire. The love I hope I one day have, the love I aim to have every day. My first CD, the beatles or Joni Mitchell. I got a lullaby every night from my dad, he was my hero. He still is. He would come up, tuck me in, guitar and all and just sing until I drifted off. Falling asleep to "In My Life" was a tradition and Bob Dylan/Larry Bassen remixes. Every weekend we would adventure. My mom being off on the weekends, it was her time. We went to gardens, arboretums, picnics. My brothers and me would run ourselves to sleep. We would go under these huge trees and pretend they were kings and me and sam were there servants. We had big rocks, that I go to now, they aren't so big. We spent family weekends at my waterfalls, in a house on a hill. With no one around, acres of land where I was let free. Here in East Meadow, I couldn't cross the street. There I went off for hours by myself. It was where I learned to think. I still go to open skied places to think clear. It's a part of me. Having two twin brothers, 6 years older then me. Stages of best friends, normal sister/brother fights. I now at the age of 20 know, the two of them are my heart and soul. At the age of 10 after starting basic dance. I joined my first company. It's where I learned teamwork and friendship. It's where I learned about performing. It's where I learned that spark that only certain people are lucky enough to find. That spark that you were put here to do that one thing. Dance is still with me. My dads lullabies are still with me, my house on a hill is still with me. I find myself wondering why I like to have a glass of milk right before I lay my head down. Why I need to wake up on Saturdays at 9am, and watch at least an hour of cartoons. How I write till my hand falls off. My fear of sleeping alone. Sunday is shopping day. My need for nature to be a constant part of my weekly schedule. The feel of my parents smile after I do something so great. Its tradition, it's a part of who I am. and I love sitting on a hammock on lazy sunday afternoons and hearing his stories about his traditions and how they were carried out through me. Life is just a cycle of passing down. You forget how much you learn in the ways you are raised.

MeANDmymotives,mymotives.

I recommend:

Tv shows: 

Glee (makes me sing in the shower)

Parenthood (makes my family not look normal)

JONAS (crushes)

True Blood (c o m e  b a c k crazy vamps)

Gossip Girl (scandalous lives of manhattans elite)

Music:

Freelance whales (beach soundtrack)

Frightened rabbit (involuntary dances)

Lights  (do the robot)

Stars (sexy)

Loney, dear ( reads your feelings)

Simon and Garfunkel... (Paul Simon*)

Sea Bear..  ( summer 2010)

I will admit, I'm on a Johnny Cash kick.


Reads:
Across the River and Into the Trees - Ernest Hemingway
Rumi
No Exit - Jean Paul Sartre
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Hard times - Charles Dickens
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

Shop:

-Wildfox ( have to get ready for my california voyage www.wildfoxcouture.com
-Time*warp

-Spanish Moss Vintage (finally this site is getting recognized) where I find all my treasures.
they carry American Gold

Travel:

Bonnaroo.Tenn

Waterfalls with over 16 people.

apartment shop in cali

New Mexico

Grand Canyon with Emily

Ellenville hiking

Niagra falls
Maine
Harry Potter World, FL.

I'm a fall girl. air sign. leaves changing, cool air but..

but last summer I fell in love with summer

I like outdoor live music. I like shopping for clothes when the racks are outside. I can eat lunch outside and smoking ciggie boos allowed.

Surfing. At a red light and listening to the persons radio next to you.

sun dresses.

Hammocks at night with buggie bites. No where to play date, oh just come in my backyard. The smell of citronella candles. MMm'ing smores and pink lemonade. Waterslides. Outdoor iced tea parties.

Symmetry in our freckled elbows

maroon.


my domain.

my soul was swayed by violins and trees

"I will know you by how your body speaks to me as we wander the night singing to the street. and I will know you by how you live for all your dreams..you're unforgettable"-T.M.O.


I know I'm not like the rest of them but my movement moves me.


Don't you stop and take everything in.
Or are you fast paced like your thoughts
that wonder... endless amounts.
what can I say? I make it harder on myself
but I'm waiting for the welcome.


Remembering can't change. 


I have those brain spurts, that bounce and I ask myself if I really just asked myself that. Then I realize my condition. getting inside someone else head. The taking in of the beauty, technology, the amount we grow and where does growing end. Together or individuality. Controlling yourself and oneself. 


Like when your tied to those odd plans, or you feel alone doing your own work, or you feel misunderstood but rediculously comfortable.




My favorite thing in the world is versatility and change in the growing sense.






You can't love when you can't control.










i n  t h i s  w o r l d

Ulterior colored backs of minds

Always expect the unexpected.. Usually the last thing you expect to happen ends up happening.. it's a part of life.. once they remove their mask, their true colors show.. everyone puts on an act.. they want to reel you in.. afraid that if you knew how they truly were all feelings would be lost. You can't build a relationship on lies and fake smiles, you need to build it with truth and honesty. they will take, take, take, until there is nothing left. Hurt you for their victory, and thrive on your fall. It is hard to find true people in this world. Most people are self destructive and only have a mind set for their own individual satisfaction. Living with ulterior motives. No matter how you feel or what you do, it will always be about them.. you need to stay clear of this people.. New York is full of them.

Face of mine

I'm not gonna fight it
We're both on the same side.

I believe in my friends tonight

Where to start. I feel extraverted lately. Like I am doing a good job of putting myself out into this crazy mayhem of a mixed up world. More time focusing on future and the whole idea of doing NOW for LATER. It's a hard concept to do. I've been working a lot, dancing. and I have come to conclusion I wish I was 13 years old or that it wouldn't be weird if I was best friends with a thirteen year old. My head is wrapped up in what I want to do and that is work for a fashion magazine. Fashion is a driving force behind anything I do. A feel good or a feel down. The compliments I strive for when I get dressed. The research on sales, far trips for good names, stalking European collections, spending hours thrifting through thrifts for a piece that was misplaced by someone who let the name slip by. I have so many clothes, that I melt when a friend says she needs an outfit, because dressing is a favorite. A personal shopper, or personal stylist would probably sound like a better fit. But layout and appearance is a speciality of mine. I like to take charge in situations. I like it when I have the final say and moving up is something I must do in any tiny work environment I join. Since I was 16 from associate to lead to manager. Dancer to lead. Teachers assistant to head teacher. So in a world where completion is harsh, it might lead me to not give up once I got as far as I feel I can go. It feels good to know what I want to do and when I tell people, the agreeing or glee in their eyes when I see they can see I can succeed.

So happy knowing!

cores among hearts of purple

Happy April.


the weather rules my mind.
take me places.
gives me motivations.
I am young
I want sun