I want to live where soul meets body

I am in the middle ground. I can make either of them happy, but I choose not too. I tell her one thing and am doing the opposite. I don't answer for no reason at all. Maybe I do need an outsider looking in. I have never been so naive in my life. Naive to how hard this is on everybody else but me. Especially my beautiful beautiful mother. She must feel so far and distant because I am pushing her away so much, for no reason at all. But to her, it's every reason at all.