Set fire to the third bar

I find a map and draw a straight line; over rivers, farms and state lines. The distance from 'A' to where you'd be. It's only finger lengths that I see. I'd touch the place, where I'd find your face. <3

My carriage of beliefs sings to me

this is all making me look at the bigger picture.
the picture that I want you here.
the picture that I can't accept.
all fuzzy, not clear.
I want it back the way it was.
where you didn't seem to constant.
it may have seemed that way.
but things aren't always like how they appear.
I want the days back, where you would roam.
now you are lost.
with no where to go,
come back home.
your body is your home.
always come back home.
never leave home.
we need you in this home.
-from me to him.

use your mind, it's a powerful tool.
and get well soon, all my love.

Alligator tears all over you

When you think nothing could be further from the truth.
When you're sure nothing could be further from the cold hard truth.
I kneel to condition all the feelings that I feel.
Slow it down, you have a tendency to rush back into your past.
Slow it down, you transfer all your weight and disappear.
You kneel to condition all the feelings that you feel.
I've got a red belt around my mind. 

I can't lie here in this cold bedroom that missed me these past 2 days, and think about how messy my room is. How I need to unpack the suitcase in the corner of the bedroom. How I will have a degree in 3 months. How I need to plug my phone in to charge. How I should answer the last 7 text messages I received. I can't think any of that. When he is just laying there, still. unable to move. those dangerous narcotics did this to him. the drugs which he took. the drugs which now are in control of his brain and not letting him talk to me. it breaks my inside to know there is nothing I can do. It is out of my hands, it was always out of my hands. I wish I could tell Cody to not hurt himself. that the life has far more oceans over things we'll never see, that he needs to just live this life. no hurting the brain. I don't even want to smoke lately. it is incomparable, I am aware. but it hurts me to be mind altered when mind altering made him lay there unable to tell me anything or feel me touch his hand. she just watches. broken hearted, being so good to him. the slow realization that when you are so close to losing something, that it might be the right thing for you. your best friend who was once your lover. can be your lover still. we can't lose him to this. he doesn't deserve it. he deserves to play, like a child. he deserves to make more mistakes, and feel things again. from the touch of a hand, to the fear that he did this to himself, he put himself in there. But now, I know he would take it back. he never meant to hurt the ones he loved. people make mistakes, but how far are you allowed to go, to be given another chance. please wake up. please wake up.

one more chance to turn in all around. what would you do?

Hard-Hearted Hannah

"I'm teaching myself to believe in the things I don't understand, I don't even know if they're true.. but that's what dreamers do."




f e e l t h i n g s l y n.
r e a l l y f e e l t h e m.

Introduction of defense heart walls, 1, 2, 3.....

You are expected not to know what the day has in store. Waking up is such an uncertainty. The house around you could be gone. You could be in a lake on a mattress. (ever see the youtube video). So when you really look at the big picture, you live unexpected and on edge, everyday. It all matters how you look at it. There are so many images, perceptions, understanding that this world has. It just all depends on how you take it all in. Positive energy helps. Having a free spirit makes it easier, but nothing' NOTHING, makes it predictable. 
"Inventions are made up. My heart is an invention." 
This was my i'm so high epiphany I came up with, it is so true though. Inventions are just undiscovered things being discovered. But technically they are all ready discovered because they exist. They are just mixtures of different existing that make something. And my heart, the house to all my feelings "as it is said" is just an invention. A made up, undiscovered defense things. And when I hurt, it really hurts right there. When I find something shocking, surprising, I really feel is drop. When I know it is someone that drives my legs to shake and my head a bit crazy I feel is right in my heart. And when it hurts, it's my heart breaking. But this invention is something that can be improved, compared, and made up. 
To the boy who had my heart and chose to do nothing with it 09', I guess I could say your loss. But really, what is lost. It is just something you didn't discover. You didn't get to experience what my heart has. Because your heart, your heart is still in something old. Hearts hold memories of when they were warm, and some people can't let go of that feeling they had once. You need to listen to your heart 95 percent of the way. But the logical head that is telling you that feeling was when you were young, and now you are different and you are spending all this time missing opportunities of letting your heart feel that smooth feeling of having something/one care about you so much, that it seems unreal. But just like all humans do, you won't see it until it is gone. Then you will repeat that cycle, that's why we learn life cycles in 3rd grade. Of the butterfly, and tadpoles into frogs. There should be a love one, broken to healed to in love to hurt again. 
My life has consisted of this money hungry hunt. I am making the most money out of everybody in this house. It seems weird. Except for my excessive shopping and sushi dates and coffee runs I am saving it all and paying those things called bills, I am saving it all for this summer. Because this summer I am really doing that dream chasing thing we all spend our lives working towards then admitting and grieving on how we didn't chase it. My dream is in my reach and we are going to go get it. Girls.
Dance has been clearing my head. The part of my head where you just stopped. When girls are hurt they tend to put it to good use. Well,  speaking for myself. Ballet studios are like that filling of my heart. With the music and the moves and the freedom and the just letting my body move to the noise and the feeling inside, makes me forget the outside world and any invention that exists. I want it all, and I am going to do anything I can to get what I want.
Having the best of friends makes it all a lot easier. Putting behind a year where I got my heart broken, found my birthmother, switched majors twice, went through losing and regaining a brother, and finding out I have two half sisters, and starting a company. I could say it has been like a roller coaster, but how cliche is that. My life has been like merry-go-round. I have been traveling around and around this merry-go-round trying out ever horse and carriage. Playing and spinning and moving. And this year I sat still. And took in everything I have around me. On this one horse, not the most special one, but the one that I was most comfortable on.


I am going to Florida on friday, alone. I just need a little bit of that. Me, a great book, a beach and no such thing as time.




no such thing as time.

Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes; all the same.

Dear you,
Two weeks in and I knew I was in over my head. Months later, my head has grown to the size of giants, and I am in this to deep. I am not a heartbreaker, I am merely just a sticker. I stick to this hopes of being a savior and can't let go. Until a new fetch comes around, and I dig myself again. Missed opportunities of friendships, relationships are due to this feeling inside of me. It's like another person inside of me. And you may never understand it, or where it comes from or how I hold onto it so much. And me, I am on your side. Because I don't see clearly until you are in the same room as me. I've played games, I've played truth, I've played all the cards. the decks is over. The joker, is on me. I want to be seen, felt, heard and for you I am not good enough. So toast to the new year, new life, secret life, inside feelings and off the surface people sightings.
Love, me.
I feel like a little girl at the mention of his name. crush you. smash.
Florida in a week, I can't wait to get away, be away, alone. I like being the big girl that I am now. Because I can look in this mirror and know I made this girl. I am sitting on a blanket of dreams right now and they are all in my reach of keeping me warm for the rest of this world. I will graduate in June, with an associates degree. I will travel the coast this summer, and make the memories in a month, that will be documented forever. I will meet people, that if I stayed I had no chance of meeting. I will feel things, real, temporary and fake. All feeling though. I will start a new school in September, pursing this thing we all need to pursue to satisfy that niche we all have inside of us, the constant struggle of being okay.
Are you okay.? 

She was too young, I'll never see her again

before

the 

night

is

through 

I 

want

to

do

bad

things 

with

you.

Hello. 

Note to self: don't change for anyone

Slave to the traffic light

You can't take away my self esteem, not this time. I believe so much in feeling. Just trusting you're feeling. But to this day I don't think I have met one person who really just knows how to let themselves feel. I don't even think I can just feel. People, things, my head all gets in the way. I want so badly to just scream at the top of the world, all eyes on me... DO YOU FEEL?
After a long week of procrastination, business meetings, coffee dates, dinner meetings... the company name, website, and 2-3 designs are thought out. We want simplicity. The beginning to just get ourselves out there then design more. I think everybody is going to love our things. In theory means, everything is in theory. Not true, but in theory. In theory we are a sphere not a circle. In theory, sound travels at the speed of light. In theory, I'm falling for the one who can't fall back. Once again.


There is something I see in you, it might kill me, I want it to be true.
So sad the weekends over, back to work.

Exist on crushed

I wish we all.. just would
Let It Be, dear.
He thinks to much.
She knows that to well.
He runs away.
She chases effortlessly.
She hurts herself.
He has no idea.
Can't live, only with fear.

Let your love grow tall

We all know, it's the games that get us to where we want. We all want something we can't have. But when do the tables turn, and the games actually turn back, and play us? I have done this to many times that I ran out of fingers to count on. I've jinxed myself to early, that I wasn't interested and that he was overally interested. Then when it slips out, I become head over heels. And lose the game I was playing. Did he really sense that all? I can't play anymore. I've grown tired and old. Fragile and easy. Complicated and rock hard. I have slowly turned into the nightmare of you. Dream catch me.

Relief next to me

Are we all made of different pieces pieced together to form something, that somehow chemically works. Or is it accidental, like the ninja turtle spill. Are people really supposed to be this way. Where they will go to such extents to hurt others, upset others, hurt themselves? The worst part to me, is that somehow along this way of non stop change, we have grown to not even feel bad afterwards. That feeling of shame, knowing you will not sleep soundly on what went down; somehow over time that has slipped underneath our blankets that we tuck ourselves into. I just wonder, why sometimes I feel like I am the only one who feels things. Really feels them. How's that for ambition?
This mind is a puzzle, pieces scrambled. Mine too. Sometimes I don't know where to listen to for feelings. Feelings of loneliness cured by simplicity. Feeling of passions burning hungry for blood. I can be satisfied so easy, but will 'easy' meet the standards of learning to be okay with yourself.
We all life to be okay with ourselves, and if we are not okay we go to huge limits to make sure we will be okay. Some of us hurt, swallow, upset ourselves and others to get what they want. I am just learning to get what I want without hurting anyone ... but myself?
Walk on eggshells I can live with, it's the glass that hurts.
This life is about relationships, communication, that was all developed to be passed along to work. But now when I am feeling strange, I don't want a common. I want a stranger, to evaluate my thoughts and tell me if I am as crazy as I think, or am led to believe.
"Would you believe me if I told you I knew the future, but it wasn't promised you were going to do it right. Just trust me. We can get this accomplished together. If you bite your tongue hard enough to feel it hurt. We all hurt. Hurting makes us remember, we are all alive. Living, with no pauses...." 2001, 11 year old Lyn. Somethings never change. Document my feelings.

Folds in your hands

are people different then me? or am I different from them.

passion pit.

twenty ten 2010 - something men.

2009
you made me grow up, think seriously about my future.
made sure I evaluated myself, my surroundings and my past.
grew a shell around my body, to protect from people who shed their unknowing onto me.
you gave me 6 girls on a tropical island. with to much alcohol food and laughs.
taught me about the people behind the music, behind the lyrics. where they come from.
met me a gal, who's head seems symmetric to mine.
gave me a summer, like a shooting star in my life. Clear, real, true. summer 2009.
kept my family, tight close together, through hard times.
held my brother together, without him we would have fell.
lost michael jackson
found me a woman who was a mystery to me, since I could remember.
met blood. same blood.
told I love you, on a piece of paper.
start of something new, company, business, future. REAL life.
kissed me in the sand.
Emily and Lyn.
Taylor back off, from now on always on.
Countless dancing auditions, sweat, tears, pain, and TRUE love.
Passion in photography.
Portfolios and portfolios of art I will never get rid of.
Finished my 62nd journal. 2009 journal. talks of music, nature, upstate, girls, DR, secret beach, roof tops, bands, true friendship, leos and memories that are documented in my life forever.
I have a room that is mine, and I made it mine. I love it mine.


I started 2010 off in a room full of not one person I knew, except my dancing co-pilot. I said happy new year to over 40 people, I would never see again. But it felt damn good, because I started 2010, making money. Doing what I love to do in front of people who love watching me do it. dancing is passion, people are passion, money is realistic and I am living a dream this year. Happy New Year.

2010 what do you have in store for me?
Realistic dreams coming into grip.
The best damn art and creativity ever produced.
Beginnings and heart break.
Feel good highs.
Friends and family all together.
Travels, to see more of the world ever imaginable.

I don't have so much, but all that I do have... I cherish greatly.
I came home last night, and saw my sweet Julia and Trina. I got several calls from Emily..and just a simple "I'm glad I know you" was all that. I fell asleep with my chrissy snugsing me. In a house full of things that will pass, this house was built on love. I woke up to a goood morning kiss, like when I was 13 and my daddy would wake me up for school. My cat was still under my banky with me. I felt real, body aching from the night before. I am made. I am one. And now I go shopping with my mother, who is my mother,  my one and only mother who has taught me everything I know. 2010, be good to me and my family. and pass by slow because I want to enjoy you fullest.