Unopened letter to the world.

Maybe I am a high believer. Maybe I think I am so different, to the point where I drive  myself insane and become a replica of all of you. I think I am just different in my own head. I have feelings just like she does. I feel pain, physical and emotional more then most, but not as much as most. I care about how I look. I strive for perfection in my art, talents, hobbies and in pleasing people. I am more ego centric then I'd ever like to be or admit. I am broken. A broken heart that never healed from past that I will not name. I feel inclosed in myself. Extroverted in my own. I want excellence, life in its entirety. To the point that it is absurd. I get jealous easily, and am very hot tempered. I would never hurt a one I love, but I expect, assume to be hurt by ones I love. I believe People Always Leave, as down as that may seem. I seem to live my that. Since my 8th birthday when I found out of my adoption. I write to myself, and talk to myself more then I let anybody else in. But in the past five months I have seem to grown more grounded, level headed with myself.

A snap/realization that I was holding onto something that never seemed to exist. But in my head, it existed like a elephant in a room. I am one to read into situations, but the result of this one I have seemed to read all the signs wrong. I am sorry but you do not tell someone you love them on a piece of throw away paper, on a night where everything seemed to right. The traffic light, the realization, the leaving for tour. The sweet smile on your face, and the way you fly into your house like a 5 year old doing airplane on the playground. He makes my heart flutter, to the full extent. And I can't help the way I feel. I can stop it, reprimand myself, tell myself all the bads about you. But when I get to sitting and reading the nights, the times, I remember the times I had with you and I hold onto those. I feel like with you though it was all in the head. You are the only other person who feels a certain way, thinks a certain thing and doesn't let it be known. You don't lay all your feelings out on the table. You keep so much to yourself in fear, uncertainty that others will understand. And that is intriguing. intriguing. 

Now after diary entries of heated moments, chemistry, what to I have thought was all there, underneath the shell you put out of scared-ness. You tell me it is all gone. It was never there. I don't own something. So I close the entries about the feelings I have for you, and all that five months of built up butterflies in my stomach, it ends with a ..?. I was wrong about another one. Somehow I must have misunderstood your signs, your chemistry. Or else you have it all confused in your head. You can't help how you feel, so I will feel this way. But I will never give in to something/one/situation that has played me for way to long. The games that play us.

Some people think I am nuts, weird, crazy, I am all of those things but if you looked at my detail you'd see that I just do what I feel. I don't think before I do things, I just let them be done. Because my feelings are the only ones I will really ever be able to feel.

We have a company name.. now the designs, myspace, and following. This is where it all starts.

and ends.