Today was a hard day for me. I woke up 7am after a night of hardcore partying (doesn't seem so hard, does it). Getting out of bed is so hard for me, I am like a rock who doesn't budge. But once I am up, I am good. I mean an insomniac who wakes up almost every morning to catch a 7am ballet class. Then some starbucks then my day is set. But the getting out of bed, when I know every veteran is sleeping so late. A bit hard. My dads on vacation, so I sleep in my mommys bed with her. More the reason, to stay there all day. I woke up short of 8am. Slept 45 minutes late. This day I was looking forward to as well. I get very anxious building up to something. Like vacations, booked weeks in advance I am horrible at. It is the anticipation build up, and of course anxiety of getting there, it going the way I planned. I have anxiety very bad with plans. Seems silly, because I'm the one always bailing out, and not answering and changing things about but that is part of the anxiety in my head.
Today. I got to see my brother. After 3 weeks of kind of not speaking, he would call but on a 25 cent call how much can you say. He seemed very fufilled getting the best out of his problem, situation and fixing it. He seemed different, happy. He talked about people he met with worse problems.
And still I haven't accepted it.
Sometimes I wonder if I just don't accept things are happening to me, until after they are gone. And why. That is so unhealthy.
I am unhealthy person.
I have to get rid of the bad and just give out the good.
Spread love.
After these 21 intense days he will come home, and I will be happy again. Stress levels in thsi house will be high again. But maybe then I will be able to sleep in my own bed. I worry about my brothers. I want him to just be healthy. They have so much inside of them, that they aren't using. That I see. Especially Greg. This charisma I want to see put to such amazing use.
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