Q and A

These past three days have been a complete up and down, feelings wise. I wonder sometimes if it is me living this life. I feel like there's a little person in my head and I'm just watching myself from that view.
I tried to not give myself any expectations. because expecting something. Would leave me with unanswered questions and anxious toes. I felt so odd driving to a train station to pick up the woman who I can't remember but 19 years ago I was in her stomach.
They told each other they would meet up every year on my birthday. They never did.
She was just like me. Someone who loses everything, digs in her big bags to get things. Afro fingers. Wanderer. Loves music and dancing. So open to new experiences. A kind of go with the flow kind of person. But opininated. Sometimes when she was talking to me, I would just stare. Stare at this woman wondering what was going on in her head. The head that came to Nyc to see me.
It was easy. It was easier then I thought. I didn't feel a strong bond. But was that just an expectation I had. Should I have just assumed the least and been more satsfied. I was easy. I let her in easy. I don't feel any anger. I feel love, because she gave me away to these two people that love me unconditionally and forever.
Everything that has been going on with my brother, I see the true support of my parents.
I introduced this woman into my life. My feelings. My friends. My world. My shopping. My head. My music. My life.
I always thought of it happening a different way. But never thought it would actually happen. Happen to me. Because just like everything I don't accept anything
But now..

I must accept.


When you have a boyfriend for weeks and weeks. and you wake up in the morning and the night before you messed it up or he cheated. And you wake up and you feel so alone. And odd.
I have felt that way my whole life.
But the second I saw her.
It went away.
It has been away.



I miss my brother