Much overdue love making

Now that I cure all my lonliness in pouring out my soul in my newly cleared basement as a dance floor. I have been feeling a lot better. Lately I've gotten back the I don't want to wake up in the morning feeling. Even for my favorite classes. That comes with missing him, and realized time to get a life pack up and move the fuck on Lyn. What are you doing holding onto something that is one-sided. It is always one-sided the other way that to me this is a much needed reality check. I like reality checks because the bounce back is always the best. Bitter-sweet I guess. It is crazy how people can be sure good friends, and tat they are together all the time, and after one minute everything can change. I can't imagine how alone you feel. But you won't let me in so fuck it right. Ah lyn lyn lyn never changes.

After a much anticipated past 3 days. I feel so cured. But what am I trying to get at. I don't know myself. Do I want a relationship with this woman. What will it cost me. Distance one. But my mom is afraid as well. And my mom I want to make her feel happy. I keep feeling like I owe something to this woman, liek when she was here I felt like I owed it to her to be with her all the time I could because she did come here : reason to see me. But I don't owe anything to this woman. Devils advocate: she gave me life. What the fuck lyn. I am talking to myself a lot in this blog. I just have been writing all day. About him. About her. About brother. About dance. About family. About friends. About desires. About the struggle. About laying in a bed with you, without one worry in the world. And now I write my english paper.

Why is there a turnitin.com do they not trust that a english major will fucking write out of her own head. This society, no one trusts anybody. And I don't trust anybody. I've learned that years ago and to this day I feel so silly I ever trusted her with my life, when she just up and left.

I haven't hurt myself in a while. that is good news.

New moon soon.
Dancers showcase soon.
California soon.
Looking forward to that.
But truthfully, tomorrow I don't want to get out of bed.


My head is a world of it's own. I don't even understand my god damn head. I need to let somebody in. a complete stranger with long legs and red lips, not pink. Male <3