Misguided ghosts

Today was different. I kind of felt different. I got confronted by a friend. Finally seemed to be fed up with my lack of going through with something. I get to comfortable. And I am spontaneous. But I am more spontaneous with new things, new people. When I am with the same people, I tend to like to stay inside my lines. I am a room person too. When my room is neat, I stay in here for hours with a new record playing. I draw, paint, start projects that end up being never ending. I can occupy myself for days. Teaching myself guitar has taken up most of my time. It seems that I I feel bad that I can't be this person everybody wants me to be. But I am so tired of people accepting things.
After I saw him, Emily asked to feel my heart. It was racing. This is so silly. So so silly. For two people that have as many crazy things in common to not be on talking terms. But I can't do it anymore. The most self centered person. He only cares about himself, what he is getting out of a situation. In little ways, he does care. But with the big picture what is his motive. If he was in a room with 5 girls and was getting no attention. He'd probably freak out. He needs it from little girls. And when he finally gets a real on, he missed out.I am so tired of explaining what he missed out on. Because it's not me that loss.
I am just trying to figure out this world. I hung out with my give best friends tonight, it makes me remember that happy place. When I am with my friends, it's that time where I feel so content. I don't think about anything else. Because what we all say, I listen. And what I say they listen. Friends are so important and without them a lot going on in my life I wouldn't be sane. At all. I'd probably be hurting myself or ripping my hair out.
So much can be done through technology, that sometimes I forget how the real feelings feel. The way you act without a second to think. The way you react to another statement. I love beginnings. I love new things. I love new guys. Spending endless days with each other. I seem to be an all or nothing kind of girl. It always happens so fast with me. I want to be able to go back to them, each time with each person. And rewind to the favorite parts, and relive those parts once more.

I'm going away for a while, but I'll be back don't try to and follow me. cause I'll try to return as soon as possible. See I'm trying to find my place and it might not be here where I feel safe. See we all make mistakes and run from them, from them with no direction. <3