Lucy in the sky with diamonds

I fell asleep with X's on both my hands. Now one is on my left cheek. (buttttttt cheeeeeeek). No Cheek. Face cheek. And I have to be at dance rehearsal in three hours and no intention of going to scrub this. I will go sweat it off. So happy I am finally part of a team. Competition on a Sunday. Yes. I had a great time last night, and got the perfect text message this morning. Saying "I know you are but what am I" ahhaha. after I left him with him asking me what I think of his goodbye skills and I said cute. So 8 hours later I am still on his mind.................................... fuck. I need to run away. To my upstate house. Next weekend. Forget bar mitzvahs. Mazel tov. I want to go hang out with grandma and bake some crumb cake with her and her to tell me stories about what she was young and had to sew all her jewelry to the inside of her jackets because the Nazi's wouldn't let her come with any silver or gold. My grandma is fighter. My mom is a fighter. In 50 years from now, if I am still here. Now I am thinking about death (ugh). I will let you know if I am a fighter. Where does hate from. Is it grown inside of you, to automatically have hate inside of you. To feel such strong disposition inside of you, that you are willing to go places, extremely bad places to fulfill this glitch you have in your brain. I am not against glitches i have so many glitches in my brain. But what is this inhuman glitch that makes it ok to hurt innocent people.

My brothers are both safely in there room. First time in a long time I woke up with a clear head. I feel blank. Blank canvas. Ready to be filled in, completed, and satisfied. I stayed up until 6 am painting my walls as if they were me. me a white sheet of paper and now I have gardens on me, with words of Bob Dylan. I needed to go get my leotard on. go team go.

19th birthday. Last teenage birthday. I liked being 18. 18 was a good year. Last birthday I was with you. I had such a nice birthday. Such an unfortunate death occurred right before. But we all know, he wanted us to celebrate his life, his existence, his footprint in dreams, and that we did. And this year as I pass one year until I lost him. I love him more than he will every feel.

People always leave.
Bad subject to start this day eyyyyyy.