Dignified exit society

360'd. Last night I got the email that was anticipated my whole life. I've replayed this moment hundreds of times in my life, acting out my first words, my first thoughts. When something so awaited finally happens it always pans out so unexpected. But thats what life is twists and turns that are so unexpected you don't know where they start or end. Earlier in the day, I accepted 2 friends that I had no idea who they were, but I usually accept everyone. assuming they are bar and bat mitzvah kids. Later one I opened the facebook message. Just like any other, another invitation to an event I will rsvp "yes" to and never show. haha. But this one was from that girl earlier. A girl named taylor. My first thoughts were taylor finally got a facebook. But this girl was younger. I read it at 130am. It was like reading a poem that was written in a Jodi Picoult book. I read it very slow and mumbling. It said everything I doubted it would say. It was my half blood sister. Saying my birth mother thinks about me everyday and they both hope I want something to do with them.
Recently I have been looking, but like everything I start, I get slightly sidetracked if it doesn't come easy. I never thought facebook would be the way I would meet this woman. But I guess nowadays that should have been pretty assumed. I ran into my mothers room. Shaking. I've never felt anything close to what I felt last night. I asked if my Birth mothers last name was the same as this girls. My mom said, looked at me with a look I've never seen her give me all 19 years of my life. I shut the light off and melted to the floor. Crying hysterically thinking how now that this has happened, I can't undo it. I looked at this little girls pictures, a girl that was blood related to me. Someone I have never looked at before. I have never been anywhere near anybody blood related before. Except for the day I was born obviously. This girl looked like me. My thoughts were racing. I had to go tell my brothers. After my mom asked a million questions about what I was going to do, I thought i'd sleep on it before answering. If I could sleep... I went downstairs to share this unrealistic situation with my brothers.
Then she IMed me. Via facebook. She was online at 2 in the morning. I knew that she was up because she couldn't sleep. Finding out your mother had a child and gave her away must be pretty hard to accept too. I didn't know if I should answer what would I say. I answered. My birth mother was next to this girl. What was going through her mind. What did my birth mother look like if my half sisters looks so similar to me.
After 4 hours of questions, and explanations. I simply feel. I don't feel anything. I just FEEL. Feeling is so rare for me. To feel something so indescribable.
Something that I have always thought about, crossed my mind at least once a day. Was here. Right here in the tip of my fingers. Knowing that there were two people up, wondering just as much about me as I was them, was so... strange.
I still don't know where I want to go from here.
But this is the start of something new and unknown
I can say I'm not scared, because I'm terrified.
Of how I will feel, act, think, desire, satisfy,
Now that it's there I'm sure my curiosity will kick in,
But for the first time I want to soak everything in before I jump into something.
I tend to jump into something without protecting myself
I need protection.


Found.