Get cape. Wear cape. Fly

So I am going to contradict everything in the message I said before. I think vitamins make me not able to fall asleep. I slept about 6 hours this weekend, and I am wired and only had one cup of coffee today. Maybe it is all in my head. And of course along with the night, brings these crazy thoughts. I am dangerous at night. Well my mind is.
I can't stop avoiding, thinking, talking about how I am really feeling about my birth mother. I have been texting, emailing her. But I won't call her. She told me she loved me, and every since then. I don't know what I am thinking. I can't even really grasp, understand, what I really feel about that. She doesn't know to. I know we had the 9 month connection but I am 18 years old and have never seen this woman. And it's not just some every day meet someone new thing. It is taking a lot out of me. Exhausting my brain. I feel like it's not happening to me though. I feel like it's happening to the me that I see and watch and act. Aka I am not excepting that IT IS HAPPENING TO ME. Me. Woah.
What are we tied to. Work, hobbies, family, money, routine, comfort. I want to lose all ties and run off somewhere with no guidelines. No dates. No time. I want that more then ever right now.
I had a lot of fun with Heather today. I realized what it was like opening up to a new friend so myself. Which is odd to me. I hang out with new people, but that friend friend I have a hard time making. I can be very not accepting sometimes. I like to stick to common ways sometimes. That a lot why I won't make this phone call. Heather reminds me of a friend I have always wanted, been missing ever since I was young.
I used to be best friends with this boy Sam. We would play store and house all the time. we had amazing imaginations. But Heather is like him, easy going, out going, funny, but very opinionated.
It's to early to tell but the beginnings are the best part. When you don't know a person at all. They are this complete new face of life to you. but someone they just became connected to you. By feeling. Through something, a common place, school, friend. Same place, same time. And then you just want to learn about this person because you are someone attracted to another human. I love beginnings. My beginnings never seem to progress anymore. I think I like them to much to let it get to far. I am crazy. Why am I crazy? Because I will always never know. I think I have only met one person who comes close to being equally crazy with me. Different crazy. But he's crazy. Mind is always going.


....libra <3