Coffee shop soundtrack

I can't get out of my bed. I wish someone would bring me breakfast in bread. This rain is ridiculing the productivity I wanted of this morning before I go to dance. But instead I'm writing. At least not completely useless.

I am your common girl. Common, dancer, cheerleader, boy crazy, painter, silly, 6 girls, kind of girl. I am simple. But what I feel inside my head and what I want out of this world isn't simple. The places I want to bring myself are out of this world. I have this tendency to push myself a little further then I can but I can't help it. I feel so much more capable of what I do...
So this is my ambition list..

Next year.
-Buffalo to meet her family after she comes here
-Make back up dancer for Selene Gomez; Demi Lovato, Emily Osment. Somehow get myself into disney. $$ there.
-Tour possibly
-Graduate from NCC in June with Associates in Art Ed
-Go to four year university in NYC or California.
-Speech Mythology major. Art minor.
-California residency
-Complete my 104th diary. Pathetic.
-Publish a book of short stories.
-Go to Israel with leon because it's free and I am dumb for not taking advantage.
-6 girls, trip to Aruba because we live once.
-Get into ballerina shape 110.. join a ballet.
-Teach underprivileged kid the gift of dance :)
-Put together a benefit concert. For kids with AIDS. Include bands, dancers, singers, talents. Raise money. A lot of $.
-Find serenity within myself. Be at peace with this conflict stirring always in my left side of my body. weird.
-Tell one person nothing but the truth.


I am ghandi. Hhahhahah. fuck. All me now, I'm running on empty but I have to fill myself up start today. get up now, bank, dance, meetings with Broadway people. Make a big footprint in this world. Find a peace within myself. Give someone everything I have. I've been yearning for a best friend. I miss Mike sometimes. We were inseparable and he always pushed me to do these things. Because he really believed in me. I didn't believe in him enough. I wish I didn't hurt him, he'll never know because I'll never know how much I really loved him, I was just in a bad spot. The end of our relationship I pretended he didn't exist. The sex turned into rowdy, I just want to sounds so repulsive but it's how it was. I just wanted to FUCK. I was insecure with distance, him being so far away from me. I always said People Always Leave .. I just didn't realize I was in that 'People' category. Know that when I look back on diary entries of that summer we spent together. I was in love. The adventures to the new parks. Where you would ride and feel alive. I'd take pictures and write under trees. I always left with chachkas, things I found. There all in a box now. Stored for safe keeping. The box smells like you. The nights on the beaches, they were in your backyard. The early mornings, 5am of boats. Smell of fishes. Your dad and me talking all day while you sat on the front of the boat. Your head filled with fear that exactly what happen,.. would happen. You knew me so well. I didn't give you enough credit. I am so happy you are happy right now. With someone who I think is capable of more love then I was able to give you. She's beautiful and take only the best from her. I think about you all the time but I know not to hurt again.

~Star