Like a river in California

What are we tied to? Who do you belong to? What route are you meant to be put on to follow to gain or lose knowledge. Lately things just spiraled out of control. I can throw my hands up and back off but I need to fix. Fix Fix Fix. I just want him to realize how much he's hurting me and the ones he loved. He is slowly decaying himself off the ship. Into the huge open ocean, allowing no one to give a helping hand. But there is no getting through to someone so stubborn without the medicine throwing him even more off. I am so tired of the lies. Lies that are trapping. I am unable to forget a liar. But what when it's someone so close to you that in a sense you are destined, forced, supposed to love. I just want a reason to believe again. Believe that the people you are conditioned to trust are good people, really are. One who you know so well, you're best friend in a matter of 3 days everything can just go away. Everything worked at for years and years. Suddenly just turned into meaning little to me. What is he to me if he can just deceive me like I am no one. I'll never know if it's you or your medicine. And that I am conditioned to not forget.