Want to get so much out, usually when I write on paper it feels good. When I write it on paper, I feel like it's no longer inside of me (...threatening the life it belongs too... anna nalak) But lately that has not been working to well for me. I am so frustrated with my state of mind lately. It feels indecisive to the max. I am used to necessity of balance, but this is just overboard recently. I can't sit here and play buddah anymore. I wish I could be a fat bald guy who is all about peace. But I am not. I am me. I am alive. Once. I always blog when I am upset/mad/aggrivated which isn't usually so common. But lately, oh lately it's all there. Maybe I am just hoping that someone will read this and feel the same way I do, and relate. Or maybe I will just encounter this problem again along the line, and be able to take my own advice.
Everyone warned me, even he warned me. There was a really good chance this was going to end badly. But I just let it take me over, take me over with feeling and forgot all about the doubt. The feeling was all there that I didn't even think about the early warning I once got. What is an early warning, when it's so broad. There is no two people out there the same, so I guess I was hopeful that with me it would be different. And I am all about playing doctor, so I wanted to fix somebody. I was so tired of people trying to fix me, when I am not in need of repair.
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