You are expected not to know what the day has in store. Waking up is such an uncertainty. The house around you could be gone. You could be in a lake on a mattress. (ever see the youtube video). So when you really look at the big picture, you live unexpected and on edge, everyday. It all matters how you look at it. There are so many images, perceptions, understanding that this world has. It just all depends on how you take it all in. Positive energy helps. Having a free spirit makes it easier, but nothing' NOTHING, makes it predictable.
"Inventions are made up. My heart is an invention."
This was my i'm so high epiphany I came up with, it is so true though. Inventions are just undiscovered things being discovered. But technically they are all ready discovered because they exist. They are just mixtures of different existing that make something. And my heart, the house to all my feelings "as it is said" is just an invention. A made up, undiscovered defense things. And when I hurt, it really hurts right there. When I find something shocking, surprising, I really feel is drop. When I know it is someone that drives my legs to shake and my head a bit crazy I feel is right in my heart. And when it hurts, it's my heart breaking. But this invention is something that can be improved, compared, and made up.
To the boy who had my heart and chose to do nothing with it 09', I guess I could say your loss. But really, what is lost. It is just something you didn't discover. You didn't get to experience what my heart has. Because your heart, your heart is still in something old. Hearts hold memories of when they were warm, and some people can't let go of that feeling they had once. You need to listen to your heart 95 percent of the way. But the logical head that is telling you that feeling was when you were young, and now you are different and you are spending all this time missing opportunities of letting your heart feel that smooth feeling of having something/one care about you so much, that it seems unreal. But just like all humans do, you won't see it until it is gone. Then you will repeat that cycle, that's why we learn life cycles in 3rd grade. Of the butterfly, and tadpoles into frogs. There should be a love one, broken to healed to in love to hurt again.
My life has consisted of this money hungry hunt. I am making the most money out of everybody in this house. It seems weird. Except for my excessive shopping and sushi dates and coffee runs I am saving it all and paying those things called bills, I am saving it all for this summer. Because this summer I am really doing that dream chasing thing we all spend our lives working towards then admitting and grieving on how we didn't chase it. My dream is in my reach and we are going to go get it. Girls.
Dance has been clearing my head. The part of my head where you just stopped. When girls are hurt they tend to put it to good use. Well, speaking for myself. Ballet studios are like that filling of my heart. With the music and the moves and the freedom and the just letting my body move to the noise and the feeling inside, makes me forget the outside world and any invention that exists. I want it all, and I am going to do anything I can to get what I want.
Having the best of friends makes it all a lot easier. Putting behind a year where I got my heart broken, found my birthmother, switched majors twice, went through losing and regaining a brother, and finding out I have two half sisters, and starting a company. I could say it has been like a roller coaster, but how cliche is that. My life has been like merry-go-round. I have been traveling around and around this merry-go-round trying out ever horse and carriage. Playing and spinning and moving. And this year I sat still. And took in everything I have around me. On this one horse, not the most special one, but the one that I was most comfortable on.
I am going to Florida on friday, alone. I just need a little bit of that. Me, a great book, a beach and no such thing as time.
no such thing as time.
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