Alligator tears all over you

When you think nothing could be further from the truth.
When you're sure nothing could be further from the cold hard truth.
I kneel to condition all the feelings that I feel.
Slow it down, you have a tendency to rush back into your past.
Slow it down, you transfer all your weight and disappear.
You kneel to condition all the feelings that you feel.
I've got a red belt around my mind. 

I can't lie here in this cold bedroom that missed me these past 2 days, and think about how messy my room is. How I need to unpack the suitcase in the corner of the bedroom. How I will have a degree in 3 months. How I need to plug my phone in to charge. How I should answer the last 7 text messages I received. I can't think any of that. When he is just laying there, still. unable to move. those dangerous narcotics did this to him. the drugs which he took. the drugs which now are in control of his brain and not letting him talk to me. it breaks my inside to know there is nothing I can do. It is out of my hands, it was always out of my hands. I wish I could tell Cody to not hurt himself. that the life has far more oceans over things we'll never see, that he needs to just live this life. no hurting the brain. I don't even want to smoke lately. it is incomparable, I am aware. but it hurts me to be mind altered when mind altering made him lay there unable to tell me anything or feel me touch his hand. she just watches. broken hearted, being so good to him. the slow realization that when you are so close to losing something, that it might be the right thing for you. your best friend who was once your lover. can be your lover still. we can't lose him to this. he doesn't deserve it. he deserves to play, like a child. he deserves to make more mistakes, and feel things again. from the touch of a hand, to the fear that he did this to himself, he put himself in there. But now, I know he would take it back. he never meant to hurt the ones he loved. people make mistakes, but how far are you allowed to go, to be given another chance. please wake up. please wake up.

one more chance to turn in all around. what would you do?