Leave her in the dust, and start an island with me.

When you find everything you've looked for,  I hope your life leads you back to my door.


So this adventure has pretty much pawned out into a full blown roller coaster ride. Application after application, FIDM is in my future. Where will it take me? I'm not to sure of yet, I know I want to just trust my heart and it feels right. Merchandise product development, sounds ideal. I want to Create distinctive lines of clothing, learn how to sell myself and my ideas, full out. I want to see these images in my head come to life. For clothing, accessories because my head makes sense out on this paper. Where will this take me, hopefully west coast bound in January. Graduate in June, save money, travel with my friends on a quest to conquer the clothing scene without any degrees, just heart and soul. And then California will steal my heart. I think, I hope.


Spending these last weeks in the hospital, with my friends I see out usually at happier times; has opened my eyes to these being the friends of a lifetime. I am so lucky. He is so lucky. The support we all give Cody, never leaving him alone, staying with him until he falls asleep and their at every great next step he takes, is so fascinating to me. It makes me feel so good inside every time I go and come there. He is fighting and his bran is healing, and I want him back 100 percent and I know he won't be any less. I was standing next to his bed, and his eyes locked mine so hard, and I heard his funny accent say my name, call me a few names, pick on me, and then tell me he missed me when he was gone. He pulled my hand into his face so hard, and kissed my hand. I held every tear I had in me back. But he saw it. And I saw the first look of don't be sad Lyn. I know he is in there, and he is trying so hard to come back to us, me, himself.  I Miss You.
Emily is a fighter, I've never been so motivated, inspired, moved by a friend as much as her. The way she moves him, pushes him to these far unseen advances, and the way he looks at her, gets me every time. I am so happy I can call Emily my best friend. Emily being Emily, was silly off red wine, and we were just talking about Cody and Adam and how she has been feeling and she just looked at me and called me her best friend. And to not hear it everyday and just hear it that one time, and know it from now on, made me cry of course. But its like that rare I love you, or that kiss from Cody that means so much more the less it is done. Wondering makes me wonder if feelings are real or rare. 


Talking to my half sister about her high school life, has brought me back to 9th and 10th grade. The wondering what to wear to school, where high school was your social life, cutting periods for longer lunches, the class you looked forward to, sharing lockers with 10 people. I think Taylor is kick ass, and has a lot more to do, go and see and I love that she is in my life now. I just need to do more about seeing her, a lot more.




His words have turned into nothing to me. They used to hang me up, choke me up, get inside and underneath the folds of this twisty dark heart. But lately, they just hang on the end of his tongue with empty promises. Show me some action, show me how you feel, I want to know all about it.


Even though I've slowly learned I am not the only one who feels the way I do, I am learning that I still am alone, and that's all I know. That's all everybody knows. I can never be normal because what is normal. Strange is a constant for everyone it just matters who accepts is, learns from it, and goes with it. I'm going with it, and tomorrow is the best damn mystery I want to solve.


In life i'll do things greater.......