Secret life

"Like you said, It seems like it's been forever since we've met. But it's been a short time. Your the one I can go to advice of all sorts. Your thebig sister I've always wanted. To know, that even far far away you try to make my day a good one. I couldn't thank you enough for everything you've down. I understand this may all still be weird and tough on you. Believe me, it's still new to me too. But it's one of the best things that has ever happened to me, meeting you. My big sister was out there. And now brought together, you're the best big sisssy. Loveee you lots. I hope everything works out for you out there too. You deserve it. The boys it's got to be tough, and even at FIFTEEN now, I'm always here for anything you need. I hope to see you soon. And I can't wait til were living somewhat close. Thank youu."   -- Reblogged from  Taylor Minarcin http://8456732.blogspot.com/  


You my dear, have made it all easier and I love calling you blood.







Happy Birthday Taylor Minarcin !

constantly trying to break your heart.

style is change. versatility. ability to switch. day to night. boy to girl. play to dance. fun to sun. it's all about the wearer not about what you wear I believe. this unique piece of clothing needs to take on a mind of it's own by the person who is wearing it. my school to date:

Eet

I'm falling into this thing, I think it's what people classify and turning into a woman, or a grown up. But i'm falling in love, this new kind of love that I think you work years to understand, discover or interpret.

I'm learning to love myself.

I'm accepting these flaws, this mind of racing slugs.. racing to a never showing finish line.
I'm loving the mistakes, the things I mess up on, because the understanding of messing up is new on it's own.
I'm discovering these talents, I never knew.
I'm realizing what I have done, through books of entries and piles of art work and shoes boxes of picture. That was me, that was experience.
I'm becoming less stubborn, and actually letting this thing we call learning from your past take a toll on me.
I'm feeling things I've never felt before.
I'm only listening to this voice. Through designing and saving money and booking things on my own, I'm feeling so independent. Living on my own is the next step.
I have done so many rights, and though my wrongs out weigh my right's.... i'm rewarding my rights. because they were so god damn right.
I'm moving my body, i'm dancing all the time. It's what I love to do, feel. I am so insatiable, with everything including my work, my grades, my money, my family, my situations... but dancing. I never wish for longer legs, stronger feel or more graceful movement. I am just satisfied.
I am letting him know, the truth about existing feelings and how I never stop thinking about us.
My family is moving in this straight line to forwardness. This past year though we took 18 steps back, we are actually redoing it... this time right. and together.
I am learning things about myself, I never knew.
I have fun alone. I enjoy my own company way to much, and way to often. I can laugh and myself, and occupy myself. My mind is so my own, and people think they need to be together all the time. I do enjoy peoples company, a lot more then often but once in a while. Once a day, I just like to think and not speak. Teach and be taught. all together.
I am fearless. I walk into these new situation where I am found so vulnerable... but yet so strong. because I have made it that way.



fearless.

Find emotion

We accept the love we think we deserve.

I am slowly falling into a rut. I don't believe ruts are such bad things, they are eye opening to the important adventures we are looking to endure. They are mind altering to the person you are becoming, already became and where you want to be. I don't know if I 100 percent believe in change, because with people change has proven me so wrong that it's hard to get outside of myself and look at myself like a movie and see if I will ever change. I grow.. And growing brings change. But if someone told me to stop babbling in baby talk, can I?

Lately, my insatiability is ruling my life. I can't decide on name, an outfit, a final art portfolio assignment. I can't decide where I want to go and study next year and applications are due any moment. I miss the boy who matched my insatiable side, but does he miss me to.

We don't ever fall until we are found out.
We give in until we realize we are found out.
There are people that hear music,  and then people that feel music.
I want to be the change the world needs in me.

This is wishful thinking for a new change.

From an old song that is receptively played at every bar mitzvah I attend.
"Living just to find emotion".
I can sing it a million times to 13 year old kids while shaking what my mamma gave me, but then I think like a lyn thought and think... are we all just living to find emotion.

I want it all and I won't stop until I get there, stubborn? I need to find satisfaction in my lucid dreaming mind.

Night on my side

My imagination is my fire force behind everything I do.



I want endless skies, I want people who don't have to wear a disguise.


I am influenced, I flourish but still feel so small next to imagination and people free of flaws. I read, I write, I take, I give because I am still learning at the power that I have to do the same onto another blossoming flower. The beauty in me, is growing. I will let it grow tall.




I rely on fact to tell me, our history dates, the stars to tell me who I mesh well with, colors of the season to tell what to wear, and why the sky is blue but I never listen because I was born a wild child. I rely on strangers to know.. the strangeness of my stranger.




I am meeting new people everyday but I still think I am a robot and you are all my subjects.




My brain doesn't mesh well with the brains of others, maybe it's the robotic parts but in a crowded room of drunk hands, fashionistas of the season, artistic genuis's, musics best poets... I don't fit in. I am surrounded by unknown.




Nature moves me, wide open spaces, bodies of water, places of great heights give me fear, make me feel small, gives me this underlying hope, give me these wild influences of movement that I never knew thinkable.




I am learning to have fun alone. Dance again in a room to gaga or lyrical dance to feist. I am slowly learning that it is me in this life, and that I just get lucky to have such great company.



So this is my declaration, to keep wishing impossible things, falling in love with book characters daily, write a journal for recognition, see the endless skies of every part of this huge stadium of a world, keep designing, keep getting my voice heard, make my art when it's different and not alike, keep dancing when no one is looking and giving this heart it's every beat of breath followed by happiness, ambition and drive.


Sleeplessness nights
memories of our secret lives
Wishing you'd realize
off the surfaced we are
heart, I am on your side
you make my world alright
so another girl gone chasing
the boy who's always up at night
she's to busy making the rain shine
I'm left with the echos of our love
because we are not the straight line.
...

Passion of the western mind

The only thing permanent is impermanence. So we live to strive permanent things, when nothing is permanent? 

Do I have fun alone? in my own company?

Day 1

     As with age comes complications with heartaches, realization of what is healthier/better in the long run. You can't help but think about how life is going to be with the decisions you make now. When you were 14, it was just about tomorrows. The homework due in the morning, the breakfast for dinner nights you look forward to. Now it's about credits in college, safe sex, saving this money for this future that is only merely a figment of every ones imagination. What if an asteroid hit tomorrow? or now? and I couldn't finish this, and I missed my opportunity to tell him how I felt, or use up all the money in my bank account on my ideal day. By a huge body of water, like the Colorado River, or hiking the everglade mountains. But a scene that takes a breath away. By a person that takes my breath away.
     We all set ourselves up for this constant game of being let down, I'm trying to be the one to crack that code. The code of never thinking something that isn't true. Of being let down, when nothing was intended that way. It's all in the head, head games make assumptions that kill in the end. I have spent a year imagining what it would be like to take our hearts out of these shells we enclosed them in. To openly show each other the scars we sport on them, and not heal them but show them new ways.
        Don't spend this whole life, trying to get something you once had. A time you remember when you were so happy, and life was easy. Don't try to get that back. Try to get better/try to get happier/aim for higher/newer.
I AM GOING CRAZY, race car brain, red belt around my mind, shell back up around my heart.

An avalanche of faces you know

Golden Rule: Let be the facts/peoples you cannot change, embrace the ones that can come in and alter your living, and let go under your skin because feeling things will become impossible and soon you will forget how -Rumi

......Golden rule

the sky hears us fall in love, it shows

Expressing oneself is done by so many things. You can speak a certain tone and be heard a certain way, but the way you move your hands can be judged by the cats that always judge. Thoughts are kept inside, you chose what you let out. You are interpreted by the way you let interpreters interpret. You have power, more power that one assumes. The questions of ones scandals are stayed inside her brain, every night. Now fashion; fashion isn't questionable, people like different things, but no matter where your taste line crosses and how far your taste line can go, fashion is fact. There are people, like me. Who needs to wear feeling, needs to express emotion through my clothing. Emotion that is let out, through this outfit. Through this piece. Through this color, through the process of making and letting it out.


I believe in possession of daring. Taking out this frustration on your color, on your wear, on your walk.

On those days, you hide underneath your clothes, maybe they can't read what you're thinking.

The feel of everyday,  but your thoughts are still  and always will be spitfire and now so can your attire.

The sexiness of being alone. You can lounge, but don't just dress up for adventures, dress up for yourself. to feel womanly and sexy. Because woman, you are sexy.