almost forgot myself

How do I do normal? What is normal supposed to be? Surrounded by fast moving lovers and slow moving brains, I don't want to feel anything. You're supposed to feel lost in rooms of tranced, not in a permanent state. But, you do scare me.


Love is on the line.
Is that your final answer?


after years you see me with someone else, I wonder what that triggers. you're who I go to for advice, so I believed love advice was okay too. the truth of the matter is, I am learning to live without you.
why does it take losing, for gaining? missing for realizing. hurting for needing the cure.


Red Closet Couture Fall 2010
Never felt something so right, fall into my lap and let me keep it, to call my own.

soul power

thinking becomes not an enemy
living becomes this made up fantasy
time with you wasting is never time wasted
insatiable . proved wrong
you had my <heart3 at... first eye
understand
anything is possible... teach me
now
she 
is
fall - ing
.
.
...and fall away to the west

we dance so good

"How strange this world is. Those things that we can so readily touch, those things so real to the senses, the sweet architecture of a womans body, ones own flesh and bone, the cold sea and the gleam of stars, are far less real than things we can not touch, or taste, or smell, or see, Bicycle's and the boys who ride them are less real than what we feel in our minds and hearts. Less substantial than friendship and love and loneliness, all of which long outlast the world.".......  

Read and read..

 to comprehend the meaning and reason and story behind his words.

genius.

gooooooodnight 

Digital love

Things can happen in the blink of an eye. so fast and you can have no control over them. you become cold sweat, things begin to blur, you become at a loss of every word in the english vocabulary. You begin looking at things you've never looked at logically in a new light. and then... you fall so deeply in love it's hard to get out of it.

the sun is up the sky is blue its beautiful and so are you.... dear prudence 

being outside is like a sweet high. I'm in class and I can't pay attention when I know outside the dark dreary studios.... there's sunshine wasting

But for now we are young. Let us lay in the sun. And count every beautiful thing we can see. Love to be....

need this hat.

Her backwards walk

You forget roots and where I come from. I wonder my motives, and reasons I am the way I am. It can all be traced... not through your blood. Through memories. Pictures, journals can only help so much. The rest is part of you.

I am the true living test that it is not blood. It is environment. I love that I know that 100 percent, especially now with what's going on in my life. Raised to the sounds of rock and roll by two young happy lovers. the love I admire. The love I hope I one day have, the love I aim to have every day. My first CD, the beatles or Joni Mitchell. I got a lullaby every night from my dad, he was my hero. He still is. He would come up, tuck me in, guitar and all and just sing until I drifted off. Falling asleep to "In My Life" was a tradition and Bob Dylan/Larry Bassen remixes. Every weekend we would adventure. My mom being off on the weekends, it was her time. We went to gardens, arboretums, picnics. My brothers and me would run ourselves to sleep. We would go under these huge trees and pretend they were kings and me and sam were there servants. We had big rocks, that I go to now, they aren't so big. We spent family weekends at my waterfalls, in a house on a hill. With no one around, acres of land where I was let free. Here in East Meadow, I couldn't cross the street. There I went off for hours by myself. It was where I learned to think. I still go to open skied places to think clear. It's a part of me. Having two twin brothers, 6 years older then me. Stages of best friends, normal sister/brother fights. I now at the age of 20 know, the two of them are my heart and soul. At the age of 10 after starting basic dance. I joined my first company. It's where I learned teamwork and friendship. It's where I learned about performing. It's where I learned that spark that only certain people are lucky enough to find. That spark that you were put here to do that one thing. Dance is still with me. My dads lullabies are still with me, my house on a hill is still with me. I find myself wondering why I like to have a glass of milk right before I lay my head down. Why I need to wake up on Saturdays at 9am, and watch at least an hour of cartoons. How I write till my hand falls off. My fear of sleeping alone. Sunday is shopping day. My need for nature to be a constant part of my weekly schedule. The feel of my parents smile after I do something so great. Its tradition, it's a part of who I am. and I love sitting on a hammock on lazy sunday afternoons and hearing his stories about his traditions and how they were carried out through me. Life is just a cycle of passing down. You forget how much you learn in the ways you are raised.

MeANDmymotives,mymotives.

I recommend:

Tv shows: 

Glee (makes me sing in the shower)

Parenthood (makes my family not look normal)

JONAS (crushes)

True Blood (c o m e  b a c k crazy vamps)

Gossip Girl (scandalous lives of manhattans elite)

Music:

Freelance whales (beach soundtrack)

Frightened rabbit (involuntary dances)

Lights  (do the robot)

Stars (sexy)

Loney, dear ( reads your feelings)

Simon and Garfunkel... (Paul Simon*)

Sea Bear..  ( summer 2010)

I will admit, I'm on a Johnny Cash kick.


Reads:
Across the River and Into the Trees - Ernest Hemingway
Rumi
No Exit - Jean Paul Sartre
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Hard times - Charles Dickens
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

Shop:

-Wildfox ( have to get ready for my california voyage www.wildfoxcouture.com
-Time*warp

-Spanish Moss Vintage (finally this site is getting recognized) where I find all my treasures.
they carry American Gold

Travel:

Bonnaroo.Tenn

Waterfalls with over 16 people.

apartment shop in cali

New Mexico

Grand Canyon with Emily

Ellenville hiking

Niagra falls
Maine
Harry Potter World, FL.

I'm a fall girl. air sign. leaves changing, cool air but..

but last summer I fell in love with summer

I like outdoor live music. I like shopping for clothes when the racks are outside. I can eat lunch outside and smoking ciggie boos allowed.

Surfing. At a red light and listening to the persons radio next to you.

sun dresses.

Hammocks at night with buggie bites. No where to play date, oh just come in my backyard. The smell of citronella candles. MMm'ing smores and pink lemonade. Waterslides. Outdoor iced tea parties.

Symmetry in our freckled elbows

maroon.


my domain.

my soul was swayed by violins and trees

"I will know you by how your body speaks to me as we wander the night singing to the street. and I will know you by how you live for all your dreams..you're unforgettable"-T.M.O.


I know I'm not like the rest of them but my movement moves me.


Don't you stop and take everything in.
Or are you fast paced like your thoughts
that wonder... endless amounts.
what can I say? I make it harder on myself
but I'm waiting for the welcome.


Remembering can't change. 


I have those brain spurts, that bounce and I ask myself if I really just asked myself that. Then I realize my condition. getting inside someone else head. The taking in of the beauty, technology, the amount we grow and where does growing end. Together or individuality. Controlling yourself and oneself. 


Like when your tied to those odd plans, or you feel alone doing your own work, or you feel misunderstood but rediculously comfortable.




My favorite thing in the world is versatility and change in the growing sense.






You can't love when you can't control.










i n  t h i s  w o r l d