Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Flash back scene
Prologue:
Hello.
the longer you think the less you know what to do.
Like Before?
No, like before is gone dear.
In front of me..
beat beat beat beat beat
B r e a t h e
Don't live your life alone.
Let us in.
To me the world is blurred.
It is clouded so it my head.
Your feathers are tattered.
In the end we'll leave it all behind because the life I think I'm trying to find is probably all in the mind .
All in the mind.
I hope that your hearts always warm.
The smallest things. Have no relevance.
But see the relavance. The beauty, The construction.
It.
small.BIG I feel so small. but look at my detail.
You wake up, only to find there was no piece of mind in your sleep.
The memories you can't seem to keep.
can't seem to keep.
l e t g o.
d o u b l e. me. double.
PAGE 2. two.
You want so badly to feel. Feel. feel. .FEEL.
Just....
give it time to find a pattern we will find a cure in this design
It hurts right where you need to feel.
Cover it up with time.
Spend your whole life counting down.
But. What do I know?. But.
PAGE 3. tides change beautiful
See through the eyes of a child. He says.
They seem to know what they want more.
But what I want.
Is that feeling
"It's when you go and see a really great band live for the first time and, you know it, and nobody's saying it, but everybody's thinking it, "we have something to believe in again. I want to draw that feeling, but I can't. And if I can't be great at it then. I don't want to ruin it. It's too important to me.
that feeling.
Remember me as a time a day. As a time of day.
So let go. Let go. Give in.
What are you waiting for?
Find IT. in the comfort of good friends.
along side the road in a box holding treasures.
In a good belly laugh.
Belly laugh.
Let it be real.
"Let it be" .I'm not allowed to be sad.
... Yesterday our troubles seemed so far away
and I believe in yesterday.
Yes. Yesterday.
I'm trying to find my place, it might not be here where I feel safe.
safe.
unsafe.
scared.
frightened.
the ones we trusted the most pushed us
F forget
A above
R run
A anytime
W wise
A accomidate
Y young
PAGE 4. YOUNG GIRL PAY ATTENTION
.
turn away you're falling on the inside
from your sky.
Because no one is as lucky as us.
Yes.
Lucky.
If I sang this loud enough, you'd sing back to me?
NO ONE IS AS LUCKY AS US.
No matter how many of the same.
BE DIFFERENT.
Feel myself slowing down. Feel myself turning around.
I collapse.
I am here again. I am here again. I am here.
upANDdoingCircles.
A constant game of falling short.life.
Find your place of power.
POWER
pow⋅er
Now. time for a sequel.
Lock yourself away. To feel
DO YOU FEEL?
I dance it out.
Go on girl. Twirl.
twirl.
spinning.
make him smile.
Never ending.
It never ends
no how much
"I will always never know"
I know
I am ALIVE.
I want life in every single way.
All of it.
I will not cover my face.
I write how I feel.
now I narrate
to a live I lead
I never thought I'd be this safe again.
wanting to tell you everything running through my mind.
it is mine.
So I will
accept the things I cannot change.
I want to write a song about our love.
But their is none.
on the safest ledge.
PARDON ME.
I am me.
Inside: I will show you
Outside: I am what I put off.
My energy is Purple.
humming a sad forgotten song.
FEEL LOVE GRIPPING YOU
FEEL LOVE RACING THROUGH
your body.
my body.
Fragile.
Some people say they will change the world.
I am changing it from where I am.
they will all ask what became of you?
TELL THEM:
I run wild.
and look different.
and feel different.
Summary:
But really. I am just like you
and you are just like me
All it is. I can only get into my surface.
Off the surface.
feel it.
I was born for this I swear.
Little GIRL....
show them everything.
you have.
Smile everyday.
Her first time exposed.
said he'd hold me forever.
His head was a city of paper building.
Of old friends and lovers.
Together in his brain.
Once is starts its harded to tell them apart.
Always distracted. by the mention
Of an open door
Not a remainder.
I AM FLAWED IF I AM NOT FREE
I hope you have more love than me.
You are all so quick to say goodbye.
I never say goodbye.
goodbye.
Could you be happy now?
yes. Content.
Hello.
the longer you think the less you know what to do.
Like Before?
No, like before is gone dear.
In front of me..
beat beat beat beat beat
B r e a t h e
Don't live your life alone.
Let us in.
To me the world is blurred.
It is clouded so it my head.
Your feathers are tattered.
In the end we'll leave it all behind because the life I think I'm trying to find is probably all in the mind .
All in the mind.
I hope that your hearts always warm.
Through my eyes. It could all be easy.
But who see's what I see?
Let me show you. where it comes from.
My story.
Page 1.
My story.
Page 1.
The smallest things. Have no relevance.
But see the relavance. The beauty, The construction.
It.
small.BIG I feel so small. but look at my detail.
You wake up, only to find there was no piece of mind in your sleep.
The memories you can't seem to keep.
can't seem to keep.
l e t g o.
d o u b l e. me. double.
PAGE 2. two.
You want so badly to feel. Feel. feel. .FEEL.
Just....
give it time to find a pattern we will find a cure in this design
It hurts right where you need to feel.
Cover it up with time.
Spend your whole life counting down.
But. What do I know?. But.
PAGE 3. tides change beautiful
See through the eyes of a child. He says.
They seem to know what they want more.
But what I want.
Is that feeling
"It's when you go and see a really great band live for the first time and, you know it, and nobody's saying it, but everybody's thinking it, "we have something to believe in again. I want to draw that feeling, but I can't. And if I can't be great at it then. I don't want to ruin it. It's too important to me.
that feeling.
Remember me as a time a day. As a time of day.
So let go. Let go. Give in.
What are you waiting for?
Find IT. in the comfort of good friends.
along side the road in a box holding treasures.
In a good belly laugh.
Belly laugh.
Let it be real.
"Let it be" .I'm not allowed to be sad.
... Yesterday our troubles seemed so far away
and I believe in yesterday.
Yes. Yesterday.
I'm trying to find my place, it might not be here where I feel safe.
safe.
unsafe.
scared.
frightened.
the ones we trusted the most pushed us
F forget
A above
R run
A anytime
W wise
A accomidate
Y young
PAGE 4. YOUNG GIRL PAY ATTENTION
.
turn away you're falling on the inside
from your sky.
Because no one is as lucky as us.
Yes.
Lucky.
If I sang this loud enough, you'd sing back to me?
NO ONE IS AS LUCKY AS US.
No matter how many of the same.
BE DIFFERENT.
Feel myself slowing down. Feel myself turning around.
I collapse.
I am here again. I am here again. I am here.
upANDdoingCircles.
A constant game of falling short.life.
Find your place of power.
POWER
pow⋅er
–noun
1. ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.
2. great or marked ability to do or act; strength; might; force.
Run with it. you own it.  |
I will forever.
4ever.
feel nothing?
Beach front property.
Time has such a way with words, with simple sides.
Settle. Settle. in where you feel ALIVE.
My body moves, like curtains waving in out of wind.
In the d a r k. . . . . . . .I'm not proud
Nothing will seem easy about me.
Do what you love to do.
move how you move.
feel how you feel.
don't ever feel different.
F E E L
-positive energy activates constant elevation
love. what you do. do what you love
to another magnet.
seem so very tall
I LOOK INTO THE MIRROR TO LOOK FOR EVIL
THAT JUST DOES NOT EXIST.
I DON'T SEE WHAT THEY SEE.
FUCK.
I SEE A SENSE OF WONDER DEEP WITHIN YOUR EYES
so we seal the deal in the parking lot with a
kiss.
You are like a sunset to me.
BURN THE FIRE INSIDE.
never let it burn out.
dream like scent. A nightmare you could not concieve. inside your mind. I will come close.
4ever.
feel nothing?
Beach front property.
Time has such a way with words, with simple sides.
Settle. Settle. in where you feel ALIVE.
My body moves, like curtains waving in out of wind.
In the d a r k. . . . . . . .I'm not proud
Nothing will seem easy about me.
Do what you love to do.
move how you move.
feel how you feel.
don't ever feel different.
F E E L
-positive energy activates constant elevation
love. what you do. do what you love
to another magnet.
seem so very tall
I LOOK INTO THE MIRROR TO LOOK FOR EVIL
THAT JUST DOES NOT EXIST.
I DON'T SEE WHAT THEY SEE.
FUCK.
I SEE A SENSE OF WONDER DEEP WITHIN YOUR EYES
so we seal the deal in the parking lot with a
kiss.
You are like a sunset to me.
BURN THE FIRE INSIDE.
never let it burn out.
dream like scent. A nightmare you could not concieve. inside your mind. I will come close.
i love you but i've
chosen darkness
chosen darkness
i'm trying to wake up.
but i can't.
I can't.
don't be the one, don't be the one to fall out of line. fall
watch the blue roses fall from your hands fall
fall
but i can't.
I can't.
don't be the one, don't be the one to fall out of line. fall
watch the blue roses fall from your hands fall
fall
Now. time for a sequel.
Lock yourself away. To feel
DO YOU FEEL?
I dance it out.
Go on girl. Twirl.
twirl.
spinning.
make him smile.
Never ending.
It never ends
no how much
"I will always never know"
I know
I am ALIVE.
I want life in every single way.
All of it.
I will not cover my face.
I write how I feel.
now I narrate
to a live I lead
I never thought I'd be this safe again.
wanting to tell you everything running through my mind.
it is mine.
So I will
accept the things I cannot change.
I want to write a song about our love.
But their is none.
on the safest ledge.
PARDON ME.
I am me.
Inside: I will show you
Outside: I am what I put off.
My energy is Purple.
humming a sad forgotten song.
FEEL LOVE GRIPPING YOU
FEEL LOVE RACING THROUGH
your body.
my body.
Fragile.
Some people say they will change the world.
I am changing it from where I am.
they will all ask what became of you?
TELL THEM:
I run wild.
and look different.
and feel different.
Summary:
But really. I am just like you
and you are just like me
All it is. I can only get into my surface.
Off the surface.
feel it.
I was born for this I swear.
Little GIRL....
show them everything.
you have.
Smile everyday.
Her first time exposed.
said he'd hold me forever.
His head was a city of paper building.
Of old friends and lovers.
Together in his brain.
Once is starts its harded to tell them apart.
Always distracted. by the mention
Of an open door
Not a remainder.
I AM FLAWED IF I AM NOT FREE
I hope you have more love than me.
You are all so quick to say goodbye.
I never say goodbye.
goodbye.
Could you be happy now?
yes. Content.
I dream love
It's what you do... that's what you do <3
- rookie of the year
Art Deco: Elegant, glamourous, functional, and modern.
Art Novou: Everyday.
I want to live in a room inspired by Art Novou. Deco make my mind step outside the lines. I believe art should be functional but sometimes imagination takes a hold of my hand and it just goes. on and on and never ending.
Listen: Sooner or Later (the next move) - Rookie of the Year
No matter what you say i'll be on your side
sooner or later our love will just be dreaming
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Lucid dreaming
"Those who wander, aren't always lost"
I am such a big music person. Music, any kind. Melts through my soul. I don't relate to hardcore music but I can see it live or listen to it in a car, and it does something to me. It always does something to me.
Mae, Cartel, Deathcab, Something Corporate, Copeland, As Tall As Lions, Brand New, Augustana, oasis. Are all constants. All albums have done something to me, represent something. Music ties me to memory. Music helps me write, draw. And Dance. My playlist consists of everything. Umbrellas, broken social scene, the cardigans, nada surface, acceptance, good old war,morrissey, the script, the fray, Modern Lovers, a rocket to the moon, wall flowers, angus and julia stone<3, rocket summer, billy joel, u2, imogen heap, this providence, the damwells (<3), radiohead, crystal castles, boston, saves the day, smashing pumpkins, the spill canvas, coldplay, tool, she and him, vanna, sunset rubdown, velvet underground <3, regina spektor, the killers, coco rosie, the hush sound, owl city, dear and the headlights, lights, closure in moscow, the summer set, tift merrit, the smiths, paramore, cute is what we aim for, bright eyes, interpol, all time low, ace enders, andrew bird,incubus, placebo, the cars, the wallflowers, decemberists, iggy pop<3, dashboard, the kinks, tom petty, talking heads, rilo kiley, John Mayer, belle and sebastion <3, al green, billy holiday, lydia, the strokes <3, page france, white rabbits, the sounds, the clash, more amor, my morning jacket, james brown., mgmt, the shins, the working title, wilco, yeah yeah yeahs, wolf mother, vampire, weekend, the who
Elton John, sick obsesson ages 12-16 never went away <3.
Always, Bob Dylan , The Beatles <3
"I'll sketch my mood and you can trace it"
-goodnight sunrise
Music is warming to peoples souls. It is expressive. I am a ballerina, I love classical music more than anything. Classical music makes it all about the music music. No lyrics. Music. I move to the beats the next note the instruments. Again and again. Listen to Mozart, Bach, tchajovsky, rossini, stauss, orff, bzet, grieg, liszt, gershwin, Hadel, Vergi, Denza <3.
How strange is it to be anything at all ~
I am such a big music person. Music, any kind. Melts through my soul. I don't relate to hardcore music but I can see it live or listen to it in a car, and it does something to me. It always does something to me.
Mae, Cartel, Deathcab, Something Corporate, Copeland, As Tall As Lions, Brand New, Augustana, oasis. Are all constants. All albums have done something to me, represent something. Music ties me to memory. Music helps me write, draw. And Dance. My playlist consists of everything. Umbrellas, broken social scene, the cardigans, nada surface, acceptance, good old war,morrissey, the script, the fray, Modern Lovers, a rocket to the moon, wall flowers, angus and julia stone<3, rocket summer, billy joel, u2, imogen heap, this providence, the damwells (<3), radiohead, crystal castles, boston, saves the day, smashing pumpkins, the spill canvas, coldplay, tool, she and him, vanna, sunset rubdown, velvet underground <3, regina spektor, the killers, coco rosie, the hush sound, owl city, dear and the headlights, lights, closure in moscow, the summer set, tift merrit, the smiths, paramore, cute is what we aim for, bright eyes, interpol, all time low, ace enders, andrew bird,incubus, placebo, the cars, the wallflowers, decemberists, iggy pop<3, dashboard, the kinks, tom petty, talking heads, rilo kiley, John Mayer, belle and sebastion <3, al green, billy holiday, lydia, the strokes <3, page france, white rabbits, the sounds, the clash, more amor, my morning jacket, james brown., mgmt, the shins, the working title, wilco, yeah yeah yeahs, wolf mother, vampire, weekend, the who
Elton John, sick obsesson ages 12-16 never went away <3.
Always, Bob Dylan , The Beatles <3
"I'll sketch my mood and you can trace it"
-goodnight sunrise
Music is warming to peoples souls. It is expressive. I am a ballerina, I love classical music more than anything. Classical music makes it all about the music music. No lyrics. Music. I move to the beats the next note the instruments. Again and again. Listen to Mozart, Bach, tchajovsky, rossini, stauss, orff, bzet, grieg, liszt, gershwin, Hadel, Vergi, Denza <3.
How strange is it to be anything at all ~
My pen is the barrel of my gun
...Remind me which side you should be on.
I want to write about closure. Closure, accepting it. Realizing it. Forgetting it.
clo⋅sure [kloh-zher] Show IPA noun, verb, -sured, -sur⋅ing.
–noun
1. the act of closing; the state of being closed.
2. a bringing to an end; conclusion.
3. something that closes or shuts.
The Psychology definition:
10. Psychology.
a. the tendency to see an entire figure even though the picture of it is incomplete, based primarily on the viewer's past experience.
b. a sense of psychological certainty or completeness: a need for closure.
a need for closure.
Do we really need closure. Do things really come ot an end. Is there really really a state of being closed.
After months of confusion. I am finally accepting And I believe accepting is the first step to closure. If closure is even a such thing. Or a made up fix we feed to out minds to let them accept something/someone is really over. An accepting that we tell ourselves or persuade ourselves to feel better and let go.
Just let go Lyn.
I feel connections all around me. I made 22-422 a day I have come to realize. I can't help but make connections whether is be with new people, while grabbing my coffee at 6am. Or old people while grabbing sushi after ballet rehearsal. I can't help but make connection.
Throughout my long days that are longer then anybody else's, because sleep is not a friend I meet a lot of the time.
I connect with myself most. If I counted the connections I made in one day, with myself it'd probably be over 100,000. I feel I am a very connected person. Which leads me to my fault.
thinking to much.
For the past five months I have thought to much into everything he has done. And he never gave me a reason not to. I used to think he was so much like me. thoughts, views, insecurities, faults. But in the end. He is nothing like me because for him that is all act. For me it's things I wish I knew how to act, not really feel.
I feel like people, are out to get me sometimes.
I question the morality of a best friend for 13 years, because of someone I knew 6 months moving in on her. Cornering her. What way will she chose.
Lately I've just been very introverted. Like a hermit crab. But I don't want to be a hermit. I want to turn back into an octopus. And have my feet in all these doors. So my mind doesn't wanted. And os the connections I make with myself soon match up or catch up or come close to the amount I make with other people.
At the end of the day, I have 42 pages written within the 18 hours I have been up for. In those 18 hours, I have showered, done ballet for 6 hours, grabbed lunch with my father, met a new boy for coffee, edited pictures for about an hour, sent about 200 texts, received about 140, listened to new cartel CD on repeat, cried over copeland breaking up, listened to old copeland, blogged 6-7 times. Got myself out of my memory foam bed, got ready and went out to connect with people, at a local bar then to a house party. I drive there alone. I like to go late. I like to leave early. I smoke with people I haven't talked to in ages. We talked about memories, laughs, my mind for 3 hours was completely on these people at this party, connections, flirting, engaging in new conversations, dance talk, gossip talk about what the girl is wearing next to us, 6 girls bond sesh, and continuous eye fucking that I never seen to change with. I talk with my eyes. I can tell so much by someone else's eyes as well. Eyes, it's all the eyes. It's what you see to accept. For me it's about what I see not hear. After my adventurous day I get in my car and I don't want to drive yet. I reach in my black bag in my back seat, so happy it was here. Grabbed my book. My book that has everything, I feel see think want in it. Not a blog where chances are people are stalking me and reading. A true confide to me as a person. and I write. outside of a party that is breaking up. Ignore the texts saying to come back, or go meet at taco bell. Or asking why I always houdini. I just write. My head for 32 minutes doesn't care about anything. Not the gas I'm wasting with my heat blasting. It's just me and my pen writing. To myself. I GET AMAZING PLEASURE OUT OF WRITING TO MYSELF.
yes.
Now I write to you about the pleasure I get to writing to myself.
I know when I find something that I actually follow through with. I am anxious for the texts, I am awaiting the witty and funny- ness. This one I won't walk away from. .... Yet. My mind is all on your right now. You want to figure me out, and I need to be figured out. So here goes<3
Good day mate'.
CLO-SER kloh-zer
-noun
1. a person that closes
..... they always open again <3
I want to write about closure. Closure, accepting it. Realizing it. Forgetting it.
clo⋅sure [kloh-zher] Show IPA noun, verb, -sured, -sur⋅ing.
–noun
1. the act of closing; the state of being closed.
2. a bringing to an end; conclusion.
3. something that closes or shuts.
The Psychology definition:
10. Psychology.
a. the tendency to see an entire figure even though the picture of it is incomplete, based primarily on the viewer's past experience.
b. a sense of psychological certainty or completeness: a need for closure.
a need for closure.
Do we really need closure. Do things really come ot an end. Is there really really a state of being closed.
After months of confusion. I am finally accepting And I believe accepting is the first step to closure. If closure is even a such thing. Or a made up fix we feed to out minds to let them accept something/someone is really over. An accepting that we tell ourselves or persuade ourselves to feel better and let go.
Just let go Lyn.
I feel connections all around me. I made 22-422 a day I have come to realize. I can't help but make connections whether is be with new people, while grabbing my coffee at 6am. Or old people while grabbing sushi after ballet rehearsal. I can't help but make connection.
Throughout my long days that are longer then anybody else's, because sleep is not a friend I meet a lot of the time.
I connect with myself most. If I counted the connections I made in one day, with myself it'd probably be over 100,000. I feel I am a very connected person. Which leads me to my fault.
thinking to much.
For the past five months I have thought to much into everything he has done. And he never gave me a reason not to. I used to think he was so much like me. thoughts, views, insecurities, faults. But in the end. He is nothing like me because for him that is all act. For me it's things I wish I knew how to act, not really feel.
I feel like people, are out to get me sometimes.
I question the morality of a best friend for 13 years, because of someone I knew 6 months moving in on her. Cornering her. What way will she chose.
Lately I've just been very introverted. Like a hermit crab. But I don't want to be a hermit. I want to turn back into an octopus. And have my feet in all these doors. So my mind doesn't wanted. And os the connections I make with myself soon match up or catch up or come close to the amount I make with other people.
At the end of the day, I have 42 pages written within the 18 hours I have been up for. In those 18 hours, I have showered, done ballet for 6 hours, grabbed lunch with my father, met a new boy for coffee, edited pictures for about an hour, sent about 200 texts, received about 140, listened to new cartel CD on repeat, cried over copeland breaking up, listened to old copeland, blogged 6-7 times. Got myself out of my memory foam bed, got ready and went out to connect with people, at a local bar then to a house party. I drive there alone. I like to go late. I like to leave early. I smoke with people I haven't talked to in ages. We talked about memories, laughs, my mind for 3 hours was completely on these people at this party, connections, flirting, engaging in new conversations, dance talk, gossip talk about what the girl is wearing next to us, 6 girls bond sesh, and continuous eye fucking that I never seen to change with. I talk with my eyes. I can tell so much by someone else's eyes as well. Eyes, it's all the eyes. It's what you see to accept. For me it's about what I see not hear. After my adventurous day I get in my car and I don't want to drive yet. I reach in my black bag in my back seat, so happy it was here. Grabbed my book. My book that has everything, I feel see think want in it. Not a blog where chances are people are stalking me and reading. A true confide to me as a person. and I write. outside of a party that is breaking up. Ignore the texts saying to come back, or go meet at taco bell. Or asking why I always houdini. I just write. My head for 32 minutes doesn't care about anything. Not the gas I'm wasting with my heat blasting. It's just me and my pen writing. To myself. I GET AMAZING PLEASURE OUT OF WRITING TO MYSELF.
yes.
Now I write to you about the pleasure I get to writing to myself.
I know when I find something that I actually follow through with. I am anxious for the texts, I am awaiting the witty and funny- ness. This one I won't walk away from. .... Yet. My mind is all on your right now. You want to figure me out, and I need to be figured out. So here goes<3
Good day mate'.
CLO-SER kloh-zer
-noun
1. a person that closes
..... they always open again <3
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